It's getting closer to the holidays and I am getting ready to fly home for Christmas, so naturally I thought, "what a great time to talk about nothing to do with the holidays!" So instead, I'm going to write about something that I've noticed about myself over the years: the curse of mediocrity.
Being average is something that I have come to terms with, if for no other reason but necessity. This is not me trying to be dramatic or fishing for compliments. This is me, pointing out that there are some things that I cannot change about myself and that I'm not sure I'd want to anyway. I know I'm not the only one who suffers from this, so I plan to share how I deal with it, also.
As you may have gathered, I am a pretty average person. I'm not known for being the prettiest girl in the room. Where I'm from, I'm pretty much average height. I'm not particularly talented in any field, but I'm okay at a lot of things. My marks in school aren't anything spectacular, but they're not anything to be ashamed of, either. There's not much I can do to change this - sure, I can study hard and work at things that I want to be good at, but I don't have many (or any, really) natural talents.
I figured that I was pretty much cursed to be a boring person. But I don't have to be. There are a lot of things that make a person interesting besides talents and skills. I can have interests and I can be passionate about things. I can embrace the things that make me happy and I can share them with other people. Sure, talents and skills are nice to have, but there is nothing more boring than someone with no passion.
So, that's how I've learned to get over the fact that I'm average - by realizing that average is not equivalent to boring, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with having to learn to be good at something.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
On Motivation
This is going to be another update post - I apologize, there's just so much going on! I'll be sure to get back to my deep, philosophical posts soon!
In general, I like to think of myself as an active, motivated person. However, lately, it's been really hard for me to focus or get motivated to do anything. Maybe it's my awful sleeping patterns, poor eating habits, or maybe I'm just stressed out. Regardless, it's about time to get back into the swing of things, as they say.
Soon, I will be starting a new meal plan, so I will finally be eating properly again. I think I'm finally starting to catch up on all my school work, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep properly again soon and my stress levels will go down. And of course, I always have my motivation wall, filled with sticky notes to remind me of all the good things that are going on in my life.
I've also been getting a little more active, and I think that's helping. This week I started to learn how to dance salsa, and I had a blast with it. I felt so energized and so much better afterwards. I also played in a volleyball tournament last night - our team came in second-to-last place, but it was still so much fun, and it was nice to make some new friends.
Do any of you have certain methods you use to get yourself motivated? I'd love to hear about them!
Thanks for reading! <3
In general, I like to think of myself as an active, motivated person. However, lately, it's been really hard for me to focus or get motivated to do anything. Maybe it's my awful sleeping patterns, poor eating habits, or maybe I'm just stressed out. Regardless, it's about time to get back into the swing of things, as they say.
Soon, I will be starting a new meal plan, so I will finally be eating properly again. I think I'm finally starting to catch up on all my school work, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep properly again soon and my stress levels will go down. And of course, I always have my motivation wall, filled with sticky notes to remind me of all the good things that are going on in my life.
I've also been getting a little more active, and I think that's helping. This week I started to learn how to dance salsa, and I had a blast with it. I felt so energized and so much better afterwards. I also played in a volleyball tournament last night - our team came in second-to-last place, but it was still so much fun, and it was nice to make some new friends.
Do any of you have certain methods you use to get yourself motivated? I'd love to hear about them!
Thanks for reading! <3
Monday, November 18, 2013
On The Post-It Project
In my last blog post, I mentioned that I was working on a little personal project to keep myself thinking positively. Basically what I've been doing is keeping a diary of the good things that happen in my life. The fun part is, instead of keeping it tucked away in a book somewhere, I've been sticking them on my wall on post-it notes, where I can see them every day:
As much as this probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, it's actually helped me a lot to be more positive. If something bad happens, I can literally look back on my week and see all of the good things that happened, and then it doesn't seem so bad. I would love to see other people doing this, so if anyone decides to, I'd love to see pictures!
On another note, I may have a collaborative project with Tara coming up, so keep your eyes open for that!
Thanks for reading, and keep smiling! <3
On another note, I may have a collaborative project with Tara coming up, so keep your eyes open for that!
Thanks for reading, and keep smiling! <3
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
On Loose Ends
Just a few quick notes today, because I have thoughts in my head that just won't seem to form proper sentences... I'm working on it.
First off, I can't believe that this is my 50th blog post. I had no idea I had that much to say, and yet I feel like there's still so much more in my head. To the people that actually read this blog: thank you. I have wanted to be a writer ever since I was a little girl, and even if it's just a small blog that only my friends and family read, it's nice to know that I'm writing something and that someone out there is reading it.
Secondly, I am working on a little project that I'm kind of excited to talk about but also nervous to talk about, so I am going to save that for another post. I will say this, though - it is really helping me to keep thinking positively and to think about the good things in life.
Finally, I didn't get a chance to put a post up on Monday, but it was Remembrance Day back home. I hope that everyone took some time to think about the people who fought so that we could be free. It's important to be grateful for the things that we have, and I, for one, do my best to not take freedom for granted.
Thanks again for reading <3
First off, I can't believe that this is my 50th blog post. I had no idea I had that much to say, and yet I feel like there's still so much more in my head. To the people that actually read this blog: thank you. I have wanted to be a writer ever since I was a little girl, and even if it's just a small blog that only my friends and family read, it's nice to know that I'm writing something and that someone out there is reading it.
Secondly, I am working on a little project that I'm kind of excited to talk about but also nervous to talk about, so I am going to save that for another post. I will say this, though - it is really helping me to keep thinking positively and to think about the good things in life.
Finally, I didn't get a chance to put a post up on Monday, but it was Remembrance Day back home. I hope that everyone took some time to think about the people who fought so that we could be free. It's important to be grateful for the things that we have, and I, for one, do my best to not take freedom for granted.
Thanks again for reading <3
Friday, November 8, 2013
On Cheering Up
Do you ever have those days where all you can do is hope tomorrow will get here fast because it feels like today is just kicking you in the throat repeatedly?
Well, I've been having that kind of week. But instead of talking about all the things that have gone horribly wrong or been utterly disastrous, I'm going to talk about the little things that have been really fun or have gone really well, because frankly, I need a little bit of positive energy right now.
First off, I've been making a lot of friends here now that I'm more open to being social and going out and having fun. It's nice to think that I can actually strike up a conversation without worrying about the person wondering who I am.
Of course, I don't really worry too much about having to make new friends, because I already have the best friends in the world. I know this because only the best people could manage to get something like this video (featuring Tara, of internet fame, and our friend Brandon) from studying for an exam. I had more fun trying to dance to Single Ladies that day than I've had in a long time.
As a little added bonus, I got my mark back for the exam that we were supposed to be studying for when we created that video, and I am very pleased with my results.
In general, things are going fairly well. Sometimes, things happen in life that aren't as good as we'd like them to be, and I guess the main point of this post, for me, was to focus on the good things, because it's all too easy to dwell on what's going wrong.
Well, I've been having that kind of week. But instead of talking about all the things that have gone horribly wrong or been utterly disastrous, I'm going to talk about the little things that have been really fun or have gone really well, because frankly, I need a little bit of positive energy right now.
First off, I've been making a lot of friends here now that I'm more open to being social and going out and having fun. It's nice to think that I can actually strike up a conversation without worrying about the person wondering who I am.
Of course, I don't really worry too much about having to make new friends, because I already have the best friends in the world. I know this because only the best people could manage to get something like this video (featuring Tara, of internet fame, and our friend Brandon) from studying for an exam. I had more fun trying to dance to Single Ladies that day than I've had in a long time.
As a little added bonus, I got my mark back for the exam that we were supposed to be studying for when we created that video, and I am very pleased with my results.
In general, things are going fairly well. Sometimes, things happen in life that aren't as good as we'd like them to be, and I guess the main point of this post, for me, was to focus on the good things, because it's all too easy to dwell on what's going wrong.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
On Definitions
I am a 19 year old Canadian girl who is spending her second year of college abroad in the Netherlands. I don't know where this blog post is going, but I really feel like I have something to say, and I'll be damned if not knowing what it is will stop me from saying it.
Looking back, I have changed so much and yet so little since this time last year. It was around this time last year that I was going through a hard breakup and trying to figure myself out - which is, oddly enough, happening again this year, but that's beside the point. Basically, I have always had a lot of trouble defining myself. I've always thought I was weird because growing up I was constantly told, "just be yourself!" and I felt like I was the only person on the planet who didn't know how to do that. Now, I think there are a lot of people out there who don't really know who they are, and that's perfectly okay. I'm not even 20 years old. With some luck, I'll have plenty of time to figure all that out.
Another problem I've had with defining myself is that I've always tried to fit myself into one nice little box. Geeky, girly, family-oriented. I've always felt like I had to pick one and be that person. The truth is, I can't fit into one nice little box like that. I overflow. I'm messy and that makes me a more interesting person. I can be girly and still enjoy curling up to watch Day[9]'s Funday Monday or Doctor Who now and then. I can enjoy shopping malls and city lights and still listen to Clint Black or Garth Brooks. I don't have to be one or the other. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that there are parts of me that are the polar opposite of other parts of me, and that's just one more part that I need to learn to accept. I can like whatever I like, and that's what allows me to "be myself" - it's not about falling into one nice little box. It's about all the different boxes that a person falls into.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that people are messy. When it comes to enjoying things, there isn't always "one or the other," there isn't always a simple answer. There isn't a dictionary definition for every person out there, there isn't an antonym for every personality. Besides, who's to say that the messy things aren't the most rewarding?
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
On Observing
As the shy, typically quiet girl, I've learned a lot about being observant. This doesn't necessarily mean that I see everything, and I do sometimes miss the most obvious of things. Often when I am I a situation, though, I try to find the subtleties, the things others might not notice. I have a knack for forgetting specific turns of events but remembering dates and times and phrases.
The other day, I went to the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam. This was a weird situation for me because I was in a room full of people trying to see the small details; the brushstrokes, the textures, the techniques used by Vincent Van Gogh himself. In this situation, I decided to do something that I don't always remember to do. I tried looking at the big picture. Literally. Instead of trying to pick out blending techniques and colour schemes, I enjoyed some amazing pieces of art. I even took some photos that I might post on here later, but that's not important right now.
The point is, even if you enjoy picking out the small things and seeing what few else do, sometimes it's good to look at the big picture, be it in an art museum or on the walk to the grocery store or in that movie you saw with your friends. You never know what you might notice when you stop looking for something else.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
On Autumn
Call me a typical late-teens/early twenties girl, but I absolutely adore fall. How can you not? The leaves are changing, the air feels fresh and crisp, the temperatures are starting to cool down, and, of course, it's the season for Thanksgiving and Halloween (at least in Canada, where I come from)! I have to admit, October is one of my favorite months - there's something to be said about a month that is apparently dedicated to giving you excuses to eat way too much!
I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to season changes - after winter, I love when the temperature rises, and of course, after summer, I love when the temperature falls. As pretty much every girl around my age has tweeted, it's about time for hoodies and boots and Pumpkin Spice Lattes (though I've honestly never tried that last one). There's something about the crispness and the smell of wood fires in the air that just feels refreshing and comfortable.
I think my favorite thing about fall, though, would have to be the leaves changing colors and falling to the ground. Me being the person I am, I find it kind of poetic. As human beings who are generally afraid of change and death and decay, we look at the season changing, the leaves dying and falling to the ground to decay, and we call it beauty. It makes you wonder what else could be seen as beautiful, given a different perspective or circumstance.
I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to season changes - after winter, I love when the temperature rises, and of course, after summer, I love when the temperature falls. As pretty much every girl around my age has tweeted, it's about time for hoodies and boots and Pumpkin Spice Lattes (though I've honestly never tried that last one). There's something about the crispness and the smell of wood fires in the air that just feels refreshing and comfortable.
I think my favorite thing about fall, though, would have to be the leaves changing colors and falling to the ground. Me being the person I am, I find it kind of poetic. As human beings who are generally afraid of change and death and decay, we look at the season changing, the leaves dying and falling to the ground to decay, and we call it beauty. It makes you wonder what else could be seen as beautiful, given a different perspective or circumstance.
Friday, October 11, 2013
On Things I am Good At
Okay guys. I ended the title with a preposition. I'm glad that's out in the open.
I have not been paying much attention to this blog lately, but I was going through the notes on my iPod and I found something. One day I decided to make a list of things that I am good at as I went through the day. Here is what I came up with:
- Not taking up the whole sidewalk. That's right, I can walk to one side of the sidewalk, which is something that a surprising amount of people seem to be incapable of doing.
- Crossing the road very efficiently. I don't mean to brag but I hardly ever have to stop before I cross the road, and this is only sometimes because I don't realize I'm walking into the street.
- Lip syncing to the songs on my iPod that no one else can hear so people think I'm talking to myself. Judge me all you want, people. I don't even care, I nailed that last verse.
- Accidentally singing out loud in grocery stores. Ever catch yourself singing along to the radio while you're trying to find the best orange pepper? Story of my life.
- Binge-watching television shows on Netflix. When I start a series, I just really want to finish it. Like as soon as possible.
- Binge-watching videos on YouTube. Similar to finding a good series, when I find a YouTube channel that I like, I want to watch all of it. And then I want to find all the other channels that are associated with that good channel and watch all of those videos too.
- Procrastinating anything productive. There are a lot of shows on Netflix and also a lot of videos on YouTube, so it's pretty easy to not do anything productive for an entire day.
So there you go, a short list of things that I am good at.
Maybe I can get back into this blog again. It's something that I'd definitely like to put more effort into (along with a lot of other things in my life) so I'll work on that.
As a final note, I just want to say thank you, to my amazing boyfriend Dylan, for sticking with me for five months! I know this distance sucks, but this relationship is such an amazing part of my life, and I'm so glad we still have each other. It's been an amazing five months, and I know there are many more to come. I love you! <3
I have not been paying much attention to this blog lately, but I was going through the notes on my iPod and I found something. One day I decided to make a list of things that I am good at as I went through the day. Here is what I came up with:
- Not taking up the whole sidewalk. That's right, I can walk to one side of the sidewalk, which is something that a surprising amount of people seem to be incapable of doing.
- Crossing the road very efficiently. I don't mean to brag but I hardly ever have to stop before I cross the road, and this is only sometimes because I don't realize I'm walking into the street.
- Lip syncing to the songs on my iPod that no one else can hear so people think I'm talking to myself. Judge me all you want, people. I don't even care, I nailed that last verse.
- Accidentally singing out loud in grocery stores. Ever catch yourself singing along to the radio while you're trying to find the best orange pepper? Story of my life.
- Binge-watching television shows on Netflix. When I start a series, I just really want to finish it. Like as soon as possible.
- Binge-watching videos on YouTube. Similar to finding a good series, when I find a YouTube channel that I like, I want to watch all of it. And then I want to find all the other channels that are associated with that good channel and watch all of those videos too.
- Procrastinating anything productive. There are a lot of shows on Netflix and also a lot of videos on YouTube, so it's pretty easy to not do anything productive for an entire day.
So there you go, a short list of things that I am good at.
Maybe I can get back into this blog again. It's something that I'd definitely like to put more effort into (along with a lot of other things in my life) so I'll work on that.
As a final note, I just want to say thank you, to my amazing boyfriend Dylan, for sticking with me for five months! I know this distance sucks, but this relationship is such an amazing part of my life, and I'm so glad we still have each other. It's been an amazing five months, and I know there are many more to come. I love you! <3
Saturday, September 7, 2013
On My New Home
Well, if you folks have been keeping up with my oh-so-many blog posts </sarcasm>, you know that I am in the Netherlands! As a girl who grew up in a small town having only ever spent on week out of the country before in her entire life, this is a pretty huge experience for me and I'm feeling all of the things and it's all just very new and a little surreal to me.
Of course, I am feeling excited about living in a new place and going to a new school and meeting new people and integrating myself into a new culture. Though I am pretty introverted, I do like to meet new people, especially from cultures different from my own. I also love languages, and as there are people from all over the world here, I am getting to hear many different languages.
Despite all this excitement, it's also pretty overwhelming for me. It seems that people mostly meet by drinking together here, and I feel a bit like an outsider in these situations. It was my goal to lead a healthy lifestyle when I came here a week ago, and so I don't really drink alcohol, and while it's still fun to sit and talk with everyone while they are drinking, I feel like I'm being judged, even if I'm not. I'm sure I'll find comfort at some point, it's just that these initial stages leave me feeling awkward, and a little lonely.
Luckily, I have my amazing boyfriend Dylan. While he is not here in the Netherlands with me, though I was he was, he has been absolutely amazing about everything. He is supportive, and caring, and it's amazing how even though he's 4000 kilometers away, he's still a shoulder for me to cry on. I miss him like crazy, and I am so excited to come home for Christmas to see him and my family. So Dylan, if you're reading this, and I know you will, I love you, and thank you for being the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have you.
As always, despite the good and the bad, life continues onward, and I have no choice but to be dragged along with it. School for me starts the day after tomorrow, on Monday. I guess I'm considered one of the weird ones, or maybe just a nerd, but I've always liked going back to school, and I'm especially excited for it this year. The homework will be a welcome distraction from missing my family and my boyfriend, and maybe I'll even make some friends in my classes. As I mentioned earlier, I love languages, and I get to take a beginners Dutch course, so that should be pretty fun.
All in all, I have pretty mixed emotions right now about this whole situation, but I know that I am privileged to be here and to have a few friends here to support me and to have my family, friends, and Dylan back home supporting me. I intend to make the most of the trip, and I know that things will get easier and better as I go, and that I'm blessed to be here and I'm blessed to have all the love and support that I take with me, no matter where I go.
Of course, I am feeling excited about living in a new place and going to a new school and meeting new people and integrating myself into a new culture. Though I am pretty introverted, I do like to meet new people, especially from cultures different from my own. I also love languages, and as there are people from all over the world here, I am getting to hear many different languages.
Despite all this excitement, it's also pretty overwhelming for me. It seems that people mostly meet by drinking together here, and I feel a bit like an outsider in these situations. It was my goal to lead a healthy lifestyle when I came here a week ago, and so I don't really drink alcohol, and while it's still fun to sit and talk with everyone while they are drinking, I feel like I'm being judged, even if I'm not. I'm sure I'll find comfort at some point, it's just that these initial stages leave me feeling awkward, and a little lonely.
Luckily, I have my amazing boyfriend Dylan. While he is not here in the Netherlands with me, though I was he was, he has been absolutely amazing about everything. He is supportive, and caring, and it's amazing how even though he's 4000 kilometers away, he's still a shoulder for me to cry on. I miss him like crazy, and I am so excited to come home for Christmas to see him and my family. So Dylan, if you're reading this, and I know you will, I love you, and thank you for being the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have you.
As always, despite the good and the bad, life continues onward, and I have no choice but to be dragged along with it. School for me starts the day after tomorrow, on Monday. I guess I'm considered one of the weird ones, or maybe just a nerd, but I've always liked going back to school, and I'm especially excited for it this year. The homework will be a welcome distraction from missing my family and my boyfriend, and maybe I'll even make some friends in my classes. As I mentioned earlier, I love languages, and I get to take a beginners Dutch course, so that should be pretty fun.
All in all, I have pretty mixed emotions right now about this whole situation, but I know that I am privileged to be here and to have a few friends here to support me and to have my family, friends, and Dylan back home supporting me. I intend to make the most of the trip, and I know that things will get easier and better as I go, and that I'm blessed to be here and I'm blessed to have all the love and support that I take with me, no matter where I go.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
On A Little of Everything
Okay, okay, so let's just not talk about that last post saying I would be on track because clearly I am not that.
I figure I better give everyone an update on what's going on and why I haven't posted in a month. First off, my apologies for giving everyone the impression there would be more going on and then disappearing off the face of the Earth. My bad.
So one week from today, I'm going to be heading farther away from home than I've ever been before for longer than I've ever been gone before. I'm moving to Europe for the duration of my university year and my work term, along with four close friends and classmates of mine. I'm nervous and scared and sad and excited all rolled into one and it's really hard for me to focus on other things during the short time I have left here in Canada. I've been trying to spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend, Dylan, because, unfortunately, he will not be joining me on this journey.
In case any of you are curious, here are the answers to some FAQS regarding my school year:
Q: So, what are you taking?
A: International Food Business. It is a course that involves a group of students at the Dal-AC (formerly the NSAC) and a group from CAH Vilentum in Dronten, Netherlands. Basically, we're all in one class, just in different countries. It's a four year program, and in the first year you study n your home country, in the second year the Canadians go to the Netherlands with the Dutch, in the third year the Dutch come to Canada with the Canadians, and in the fourth year each student is back in there home country.
Q: What's housing like over there?
A: I'm going to be living in a house with five other people of different nationalities. I specifically requested to be in an all girls house, so I'll be living with two Dutch girls, two French girls, and a Hungarian girl. We get to make our own meals in the house kitchen, and we get a bath and a half and a living room as well. Myself and three of the other girls get single rooms, and the other two share a double room.
Q: How long will you be gone?
A: I'll be gone for approximately 11 months, though personally I am coming back for Christmas and I believe one of my other classmates will be as well.
Q: Wait -- what are you and your boyfriend going to do?
A: Well, clearly this is a pretty important question to me. Dylan and I are going to continue our relationship while I'm overseas. He's going to school here in Nova Scotia while I'm in the Netherlands, but like I said, I'll be coming home for Christmas, and I'm hoping I can convince him to come visit me in Europe, maybe in April or May. We are happy together and we both want to make this work, no matter how far apart.
So that pretty much sums up the frequently asked questions about the trip and the school year. It's really bittersweet for me, because as much as I love the idea of moving to Europe and getting that chance to present myself as someone who's got it together, I'm going to miss this place. I'm going to miss my family and my pets and, of course, I'm going to miss my boyfriend. The only thing I can really think to do is focus on my schoolwork and my fitness. I think the gym is going to be a huge release for me and I just hope it'll help me get through this year.
So, some other things that are going on in my life. I had my last shift at the Esso on Tuesday morning. When I got off work, Dylan and I went out and celebrated his 19th birthday, mostly for my sake, because his birthday is in September and I wanted to be here to celebrate it with him. My mother has asked me to work with her a couple times since I quit at Esso, but I think Monday will be the last day I do that. I just need this week to try to relax and get things together, and spend time with the people I need to spend time with.
This weekend, I'm in New Brunswick, spending time with my brothers, my cousin, my father and my grandparents. We got here yesterday, and we haven't been doing a whole lot, just hanging out and spending time together. I also went to visit my great-grandmother last night. She's not doing too well, and she doesn't know who I am, but I have no regrets in going to see her. I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't gone and something happened to her.
I don't know what else there is to tell you guys. Naturally, if you have any questions about anything, you can leave it in the comments or I'm @AmyLeighAllain on twitter. I think I'm going to do a vlog before I go off to another continent, and I'll probably try to get some "during" footage, so we\ll see what happens there. I'm going to make a serious effort at getting back on track here, but it might take me some time to get back into the swing of things, especially with the upcoming move, so please, bear with me.
Dylan, if you read this, I love you.
Thanks for reading <3 xx
I figure I better give everyone an update on what's going on and why I haven't posted in a month. First off, my apologies for giving everyone the impression there would be more going on and then disappearing off the face of the Earth. My bad.
So one week from today, I'm going to be heading farther away from home than I've ever been before for longer than I've ever been gone before. I'm moving to Europe for the duration of my university year and my work term, along with four close friends and classmates of mine. I'm nervous and scared and sad and excited all rolled into one and it's really hard for me to focus on other things during the short time I have left here in Canada. I've been trying to spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend, Dylan, because, unfortunately, he will not be joining me on this journey.
In case any of you are curious, here are the answers to some FAQS regarding my school year:
Q: So, what are you taking?
A: International Food Business. It is a course that involves a group of students at the Dal-AC (formerly the NSAC) and a group from CAH Vilentum in Dronten, Netherlands. Basically, we're all in one class, just in different countries. It's a four year program, and in the first year you study n your home country, in the second year the Canadians go to the Netherlands with the Dutch, in the third year the Dutch come to Canada with the Canadians, and in the fourth year each student is back in there home country.
Q: What's housing like over there?
A: I'm going to be living in a house with five other people of different nationalities. I specifically requested to be in an all girls house, so I'll be living with two Dutch girls, two French girls, and a Hungarian girl. We get to make our own meals in the house kitchen, and we get a bath and a half and a living room as well. Myself and three of the other girls get single rooms, and the other two share a double room.
Q: How long will you be gone?
A: I'll be gone for approximately 11 months, though personally I am coming back for Christmas and I believe one of my other classmates will be as well.
Q: Wait -- what are you and your boyfriend going to do?
A: Well, clearly this is a pretty important question to me. Dylan and I are going to continue our relationship while I'm overseas. He's going to school here in Nova Scotia while I'm in the Netherlands, but like I said, I'll be coming home for Christmas, and I'm hoping I can convince him to come visit me in Europe, maybe in April or May. We are happy together and we both want to make this work, no matter how far apart.
So that pretty much sums up the frequently asked questions about the trip and the school year. It's really bittersweet for me, because as much as I love the idea of moving to Europe and getting that chance to present myself as someone who's got it together, I'm going to miss this place. I'm going to miss my family and my pets and, of course, I'm going to miss my boyfriend. The only thing I can really think to do is focus on my schoolwork and my fitness. I think the gym is going to be a huge release for me and I just hope it'll help me get through this year.
So, some other things that are going on in my life. I had my last shift at the Esso on Tuesday morning. When I got off work, Dylan and I went out and celebrated his 19th birthday, mostly for my sake, because his birthday is in September and I wanted to be here to celebrate it with him. My mother has asked me to work with her a couple times since I quit at Esso, but I think Monday will be the last day I do that. I just need this week to try to relax and get things together, and spend time with the people I need to spend time with.
This weekend, I'm in New Brunswick, spending time with my brothers, my cousin, my father and my grandparents. We got here yesterday, and we haven't been doing a whole lot, just hanging out and spending time together. I also went to visit my great-grandmother last night. She's not doing too well, and she doesn't know who I am, but I have no regrets in going to see her. I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't gone and something happened to her.
I don't know what else there is to tell you guys. Naturally, if you have any questions about anything, you can leave it in the comments or I'm @AmyLeighAllain on twitter. I think I'm going to do a vlog before I go off to another continent, and I'll probably try to get some "during" footage, so we\ll see what happens there. I'm going to make a serious effort at getting back on track here, but it might take me some time to get back into the swing of things, especially with the upcoming move, so please, bear with me.
Dylan, if you read this, I love you.
Thanks for reading <3 xx
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
On My Blog
You may have noticed that I missed Saturday's post and now it's Wednesday and I'm posting for yesterday. Well, this is because I've recently felt like I am running out of things to say to you folks - only now am I realizing that I feel like I am running out of things that are good enough to say to you.
When I started this blog, it was a place for me to tell a bunch of strangers (or nobody at all) who I am and what my feelings and thoughts are. It was a place for me to be my absolute self, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Lately, I have found myself trying to impress readers that I'm not even 100% sure exist, and I think it's time to take a look back at myself and realize that this blog is my space, it is a part of me, and I can share whatever I want to. If you don't like some parts of me, that's fine. If you do like some even better. But I need to stop filtering myself and only showing the bits of me that I think are "good enough" for a bunch of people that I don't even know and probably aren't even reading.
So, to those of you who wish to continue reading my blog and who like even some of my previous posts: I thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to verify my existence by reading a little bit into my life two times a week.
I am also going to try to be a little more punctual with my posts. We'll see how that goes, because Tuesdays and Saturdays tend to be pretty busy for me. Maybe I'll have to change the days I publish. But I'll get that all figured out later.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that things are going to be back in order soon. Thank you again for reading <3
When I started this blog, it was a place for me to tell a bunch of strangers (or nobody at all) who I am and what my feelings and thoughts are. It was a place for me to be my absolute self, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Lately, I have found myself trying to impress readers that I'm not even 100% sure exist, and I think it's time to take a look back at myself and realize that this blog is my space, it is a part of me, and I can share whatever I want to. If you don't like some parts of me, that's fine. If you do like some even better. But I need to stop filtering myself and only showing the bits of me that I think are "good enough" for a bunch of people that I don't even know and probably aren't even reading.
So, to those of you who wish to continue reading my blog and who like even some of my previous posts: I thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to verify my existence by reading a little bit into my life two times a week.
I am also going to try to be a little more punctual with my posts. We'll see how that goes, because Tuesdays and Saturdays tend to be pretty busy for me. Maybe I'll have to change the days I publish. But I'll get that all figured out later.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that things are going to be back in order soon. Thank you again for reading <3
Thursday, July 18, 2013
On Being Independent
Hello internet. I am turning 19 in 12 days, and yesterday, I finally got my driver's license. Woohoo.
I am generally a very independent person. I like grocery shopping and having a job and paying for my own things. I don't like depending on anyone else for anything. But somehow I waited about two and a half years to get my license. I don't know why, maybe there is some psychological meaning buried deep in this brain of mine, but I haven't found it. I don't much care to, either.
Regardless, I wanted to celebrate this bit of independence earned with you folks by sharing with you a bit of my life and the reasons behind why I like being independent.
I think the main reason behind my not wanting to depend on anyone else is that I have seen a lot of heartbreak and empty promises and tears in my life. I grew up too fast because the people around me depended on others, and I swore to never be like that. I have seen people suffer at the hands of people they had loved, and I decided that I never wanted to be so vulnerable.
The other reason would be that for a lot of my life, I have tried to impress everyone around me. People that I don't even like, sometimes. But if I can go shopping on my own or work to earn my own money, then that makes me a real person, and that's something that I need to know. I am a real person and I have real worth.
But, as much as I love independence, I never seem to be very independent. As I said, for the longest time I had no license. I often depend on the people around me, especially my boyfriend. I think I'm beginning to be okay with that though. I think to live as people we need to know that we have limits and not everything can be done on our own. I am lucky enough to have people that I trust around me, that I can depend on without much damage to my precious ego. Dylan, especially, supports me enough that I feel like not only are we growing as a pair, but I am also growing as a person, and I deeply appreciate that.
Maybe independence is not about doing everything on your own. Maybe it is more about knowing when you do need help and support, and being able to swallow your pride and ask for it. Maybe it's about choosing the right people to ask.
PS - Sorry I'm late again! But I'm pretty sure being independent means I can post whenever I please... xo <3
I am generally a very independent person. I like grocery shopping and having a job and paying for my own things. I don't like depending on anyone else for anything. But somehow I waited about two and a half years to get my license. I don't know why, maybe there is some psychological meaning buried deep in this brain of mine, but I haven't found it. I don't much care to, either.
Regardless, I wanted to celebrate this bit of independence earned with you folks by sharing with you a bit of my life and the reasons behind why I like being independent.
I think the main reason behind my not wanting to depend on anyone else is that I have seen a lot of heartbreak and empty promises and tears in my life. I grew up too fast because the people around me depended on others, and I swore to never be like that. I have seen people suffer at the hands of people they had loved, and I decided that I never wanted to be so vulnerable.
The other reason would be that for a lot of my life, I have tried to impress everyone around me. People that I don't even like, sometimes. But if I can go shopping on my own or work to earn my own money, then that makes me a real person, and that's something that I need to know. I am a real person and I have real worth.
But, as much as I love independence, I never seem to be very independent. As I said, for the longest time I had no license. I often depend on the people around me, especially my boyfriend. I think I'm beginning to be okay with that though. I think to live as people we need to know that we have limits and not everything can be done on our own. I am lucky enough to have people that I trust around me, that I can depend on without much damage to my precious ego. Dylan, especially, supports me enough that I feel like not only are we growing as a pair, but I am also growing as a person, and I deeply appreciate that.
Maybe independence is not about doing everything on your own. Maybe it is more about knowing when you do need help and support, and being able to swallow your pride and ask for it. Maybe it's about choosing the right people to ask.
PS - Sorry I'm late again! But I'm pretty sure being independent means I can post whenever I please... xo <3
Saturday, July 13, 2013
On Being Positive
I know I post about positivity and happiness all the time, and I can't say that this post is going to be entirely different, so feel free to skip this one, folks.
I am writing about positivity right now because I have been an incredibly happy person lately, and I wanted to share the different things that make me so happy with you.
First off, the right people. As you guys know, I have this wonderful guy in my life, Dylan. He is supportive and he motivates me and keeps me thinking straight. I'm not saying you need to have a significant other to be happy - I'm just saying that it helps to surround yourself with happy people who are going to build you up rather than put you down.
Secondly, the right attitude. It sounds totally cliche and whatever, but if you have a positive outlook on everything, you can turn nearly anything into a positive situation. This sounds like something that just everyone says, but I've found it to be true. Plus, if everyone is saying it, it stands to reason there might be some truth behind it!
Finally, self-respect and self-confidence. That thing I said about being around people who will build you up? There's no one you're around more than yourself, so you have to be one of those people too. Start believing you can do things - you just might surprise yourself.
So there you have it, my tips to being a more positive, happy person. I hope you get at least something from this!
Oh, and keep smiling!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
On a New Me
I am not an abnormally lazy person. There isn't a lot of active stuff that I really enjoy doing, but I'm not really lazy. Even the active things I do enjoy, I've never put a whole lot of extra effort into. Like when I played hockey (bring on the Canadian stereotypes), I went to practices and games and I tried hard there, but I never really put extra effort in outside the rink.
Earlier this year, I started running. Nothing organized, and nothing really strict, I just ran along my road three or four times a week. Somewhere along the way, I stopped running, and I wish I hadn't. I am learning to like the active lifestyle, so I decided to start with a clean slate.
Yesterday, I decided to start running again. The past couple of days, I've been doing yoga. Today, I am facing a fear of mine... I am joining a gym. That means I am going to be feeling vulnerable and doing something that's still a little out of my comfort zone (working out), not in the comfort of my own home, but in a gym. Where there are other people.
But, maybe it won't be so bad. If I am going to turn myself into an active person, maybe I can make some other changes for the better along the way. Maybe I can become a person who isn't so shy and awkward around every single person I don't know.
Maybe this first step will be the start of a whole new me.
Earlier this year, I started running. Nothing organized, and nothing really strict, I just ran along my road three or four times a week. Somewhere along the way, I stopped running, and I wish I hadn't. I am learning to like the active lifestyle, so I decided to start with a clean slate.
Yesterday, I decided to start running again. The past couple of days, I've been doing yoga. Today, I am facing a fear of mine... I am joining a gym. That means I am going to be feeling vulnerable and doing something that's still a little out of my comfort zone (working out), not in the comfort of my own home, but in a gym. Where there are other people.
But, maybe it won't be so bad. If I am going to turn myself into an active person, maybe I can make some other changes for the better along the way. Maybe I can become a person who isn't so shy and awkward around every single person I don't know.
Maybe this first step will be the start of a whole new me.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
On My Talents
The other day, I was thinking about how fun it would be to create a bogus resume with all these talents and special skills that would never actually help to get a job.
I have decided to share some of my bogus resume special skills with you lucky folks. You're welcome.
1. Paying attention to everything except the thing I should most be paying attention to. For example, I'm currently at work. There is someone pumping gas and I am updating my blog ON TIME FOR ONCE.
2. Procrastinating things to the point of people believing I'll never do them and then surprising people by actually getting them done! If you're a frequent reader you don't need an example of this because my blog is example enough.
3. Making a really big deal of things that aren't really a big deal, e.g. getting a haircut, deciding what to wear, picking a colour to paint my nails, etc.
4. Going on a health kick for a maximum of two weeks at a time. As a bonus, for the time between health kicks I am really good at eating constantly!
5. Finally, I am really good at loving people and being loyal. Sounds cheesy but seriously, I don't even throw my old stuffed animals out so imagine how good I am to my friends/family/boyfriend!
There you have it, my special skills. Maybe sometime I'll do my weird hobbies, or things I suck at.
In the meantime, what are your special skills? Let me know in the comments or on twitter: @amyleighallain
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Sunday, June 30, 2013
On Weddings
Yesterday, Dylan and I went to New Brunswick for my cousin's wedding. It got me to thinking about weddings and marriage, and it's also the reason I didn't post yesterday.
I have my own wedding pretty much completely planned out already. I know how old I want to be and what time of year - I even know what I want the invitations to look like. That doesn't necessarily mean it's all going to happen as planned, just that I know what I want.
I love that I know enough about what I want to know how I want my wedding to be. But that's not really what marriage is about. A wedding is just one day. A marriage is a commitment that lasts a lifetime (or should, anyway). I may know what I want from my wedding, but I have no idea what I want from a marriage. I mean, I think I want kids, and I want to be generally happy, and in love. But that's all I know.
I think that's okay though. Maybe some things aren't meant to be planned out all the way. Maybe life is better with a few surprises. I sure hope so.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
On Certainty
You know that phrase about the two things you can be certain of in life being death and taxes? I hate it. Not because it's a cliche and everybody says it (although hearing it constantly doesn't help), but because I think you can be sure of more than just two things in life. I mean, yeah those two things are pretty much universal certainties, but everyone has their own certainties and that's why it bothers me so much to hear that phrase. You are an INDIVIDUAL. You don't have the same certainties as everyone around you but I can nearly guarantee you've got at least a few of your own.
Of course, now I am going to share with you some of my certainties: fear, love, and emotion.
I know that I am guaranteed fear in life. I am afraid of, life, a lot of things, and to think that I will never have to face any of them is naive and foolish.
I am guaranteed love. I was blessed with an amazing family, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. I love all of them, each in their own way, and I am loved in return.
Finally, of course I am sure of emotion. As you all know, I love emotions. Even the bad ones help to define us as people, and how we react to each emotion and deal with them helps to define us as individuals. It's incredible and I would not change being able to experience that for the world.
Yes, pretty much all of us can rest assured knowing that we'll all die some day and we all have taxes to worry about. But seriously people, I think we can dig a little deeper than that.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
On Being an Adult
I am turning 19 in a little over a month and I like to consider myself an adult. I have considered myself an adult for about a year now, and I have noticed one thing in particular about adulthood: it's hard.
I am going into my second year of university, which is great and I am blessed to have that privilege. On the other hand, though, by the time my four years are done, I am going to have a massive pile of debt, which I will attempt to pay off by working my life away. But hey, it keeps me occupied.
I am moving out on my own on August 31st for the first time in my life. I will be living in another country on another continent. I'll have to buy my own groceries and cook all my meals. Of course it's exciting, but it's pretty terrifying too.
So yes, growing up is hard and it sucks to have to go to work instead of hanging out with friends. But the cool thing about being an adult is you learn stuff. You find out what you like and the kind of person you are and who will build you up and who will tear you down. I've learned to surround myself with people I care about, like Dylan and my family and my best friends. and as hard as it is, I'm learning to let go of the people who suck.
Nobody ever said it would be easy. But I have a feeling it will be worth it.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
On Being Lucky
I am only now realizing that yesterday was Tuesday. Forgive my forgetfulness and focus on the fact that I am still posting!
I am an extraordinarily lucky person. I was lucky enough to be born in Canada. I have been blessed with a wonderful family, and fantastic friends, and an amazing boyfriend. I had the privilege of going to not only elementary and high school, but I'm also going into my second of four years in university.
Sure, these are all things that most people, or at least most if the people around me, have come to expect out of life. I know that I, for sure, have taken at least a few of these things for granted. I complain, a lot. Often times about things that I brought upon myself or that I could have easily prevented or that frankly are not worth complaining about.
Tonight, I decided to just be grateful for the great things that have essentially been handed to me in life. Honestly, the list goes on and on, and there's really not a lot in my life that I'm not genuinely lucky to have.
The point is, life is short. If you don't take the time to look around and appreciate the things you have now, who's to say you're going to get another chance?
Saturday, June 15, 2013
On Things I Like
Earlier this week, I was going through a bunch of old, half-filled notebooks, and I found this page that I had taken to write down things that I love, to remind myself of the positive things and drown out the negative. My first thought was, "hey, there's a blog post in there somewhere." My next was, "wow, at least I have something figured out."
I realize that usually I post about stuff that has a bigger story or a moral behind it. But today, I just want to tell you guys some things that I like. I know this might be a bit disappointing, but I write this for myself, to figure out who I am, so if you don't like the idea, just wait for the next post.
Things I Love:
- when my favorite song comes on the radio
- the smell of a campfire
- road trips
- denim shorts
- boyfriend sweaters/t-shirts
- late night conversations
- spontaneous dates
- cuddling and watching movies (especially when it's raining)
- playing video games
- night skiing and chairlift conversations
- nights that are so clear you could count the stars if you had the time
So there is a list of just a few of the things I love. Maybe in a later post I'll talk more about why I love some of them.
As always, if you love this, or hate this, let me know in the comments or on twitter: twitter.com/AmyLeighAllain
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
On Having a Plan
I like organization. I like keeping things in order and I like knowing what I am about to do before I do it. I like knowing what the consequences will be before I do anything and I like to figure things out ahead of time.
All that being said, I've never been the kind of person to have my life all planned out. I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up, though I do have a few ideas. I'm pretty sure I want to get married someday, but I have no idea when. I don't know if I want kids. I don't know where I want to live.
If you're like me, and you have know idea what you really want out of life, I am here to give you my two cents. First off, I know how completely terrifying it is to be around people who have everything all figured out and who know exactly what they want out of life when you don't even know what you want for lunch. I also know how frustrating it is to have a lot of people you love have these really high expectations for you that seem almost unreachable.
What you have to remember is that this is your life. You make the decisions. So you don't have it all figured out right away. Big deal! Take it one step at a time. For me, step one is university. I know what general area I want to go into, it's just a matter of specifics now, and the next three years will help me figure that out.
I still don't know when I'm going to get married or have kids or any of that stuff. But I can still be happy without knowing. After all, where's the adventure if you've got it all figured out?
Oh look, I'm still talking!
Okay, so today is June 11th, and I just wanted to take a minute to say happy one-month to my wonderful boyfriend, Dylan. This month has been incredible, and I'm so happy. We've got a good thing going here, and I hope we've got many more months ahead of us. <3
Sunday, June 9, 2013
On Stories
The other day, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office and I had a short conversation with an old lady sitting next to me about her book club and how the book they were making her read was awful. We talked for a totally of about three minutes but it was probably the highlight of my day, because I got to know a fragment of one of the people in the room with me.
It's incredibly strange and fascinating to me to think that all the people we see around us, all the "extras" in the movie of our lives, they all have stories and lives that go on while we're not around. That each and every person we catch a glimpse of, at a restaurant or on the train or in the hallway, has a life outside of that one glimpse.
The other day at work, an older lady came in, and she had an accent that I wasn't familiar with. I couldn't help but ask where she was from, and she told me she escaped from Hungary as a little girl.
Basically the point I'm trying to make is that each and every person has a story. If you take the time to ask about someone, their story just might surprise you,
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
On Diving In
I have never been the kind of person to jump into something without thinking. I'm anxious and nervous and awkward, and I think about the consequences to pretty much everything before I do it. I mean, before I start a conversation with someone, I think it through in my head to be sure it won't get awkward. I won't even go in the water at the beach without testing the water and putting some serious consideration into it.
But I'm kind of getting sick of being that person.
I want to do something totally crazy. I want to find a situation that I have no control over and I want to dive into it, head-first. The last thing I want when I'm older is a whole bunch of 'could haves' and 'what ifs.'
Last week, I went to the beach with Brandon, Cat and Tara. We were all out on the sand, and I lay there thinking that I was invincible. So I stood up and told them I was doing it and I ran into the water. It was freezing.
I might not have jumped, and I might not have dove head-first. But I'm getting there. Because I didn't walk, either. I didn't test the water.
I ran, and that's the first step.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
On the Month of May 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
On Being a Person
I started this blog approximately three months ago and I didn't know anything about myself. To my surprise, telling other people about me has actually taught me a lot about who I am, and I really like that I have these parts underneath my skin that I can share with you guys. Writing this blog has allowed me to embrace my feelings and my thoughts and even just the stupid little things I do, because I want to share them.
I always thought of myself as more or less an actress, playing the part of.. well, whoever the people around me wanted me to be. If people liked quiet and shy, I could be that. Center of attention? I could be that, too. But it's tiring, bending and molding yourself into someone you aren't just to impress the people around you. On top of that, you start to lose who you really are, and I got so lost that it took me two breakups and three months of constant writing to find myself again.
Today, I got out of the shower and got dressed and put my makeup on to the tune of my favorite playlist, at full volume. I danced around my room alone and I sang into my hairbrush. I haven't been that happy and had that much fun alone in a while. In that moment, there was no acting. That was all me. That's what I want from now on.
I\m sick of being an actress. It's time to work on being a person.
I always thought of myself as more or less an actress, playing the part of.. well, whoever the people around me wanted me to be. If people liked quiet and shy, I could be that. Center of attention? I could be that, too. But it's tiring, bending and molding yourself into someone you aren't just to impress the people around you. On top of that, you start to lose who you really are, and I got so lost that it took me two breakups and three months of constant writing to find myself again.
Today, I got out of the shower and got dressed and put my makeup on to the tune of my favorite playlist, at full volume. I danced around my room alone and I sang into my hairbrush. I haven't been that happy and had that much fun alone in a while. In that moment, there was no acting. That was all me. That's what I want from now on.
I\m sick of being an actress. It's time to work on being a person.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
On Fear
First off, I know this is a short one, sorry! I'm literally writing this at work!
But there are some fears I have that I believe are really worth facing. For example, I'm still scared of thunder, but I can just imagine how alive one would really standing outside in a thunderstorm, rain pouring down on an upturned face. I'm also terrified of the dark, but the feeling of running down the road at midnight or even walking through my house with all the lights off after dark is just so exhilarating!
I think that fear is another big part of the human experience and I think it really is important to have fears and embrace them and sometimes even face them. It's a nice little reminder that you are, in fact, alive.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
On Memories
First things first: It's Wednesday. Sorry about not posting yesterday! Believe it or not, sometimes I have a life outside of the Internet and yesterday I spent the day with my wonderful boyfriend, Dylan, and I just didn't have time to write a post.
Okay, so now that that's out of the way...
As some of you may already no, I have this inexorable fear of the inevitable: Being Forgotten. I know, it's bound to happen. As a result of this fear, I used to be the kind of person who took way too many pictures. You know the kind - if I went out with friends there was a whole Facebook album dedicated to the occasion.
I read something one day. I don't even remember what the words were, or where I read it, or even when. I just remember looking back at my life and thinking about how I spent so much time taking pictures that I really didn't have any time to make memories.
Now, I look at my Facebook friends, and I see everybody trying to come up with the best status for the most likes instead of saying what they feel and having actual opinions on things. People take pictures that will get shared as opposed to taking pictures that mean something. To those people I say, take a step back and re-evaluate your life. What are you really living for?
So, I'm trying not to be that person anymore.
I still take my camera with me to places, sometimes. I have my iPod and my phone. But mostly, I try to live and actually experience things. Make memories instead of take pictures.
I encourage you to do the same.
Okay, so now that that's out of the way...
As some of you may already no, I have this inexorable fear of the inevitable: Being Forgotten. I know, it's bound to happen. As a result of this fear, I used to be the kind of person who took way too many pictures. You know the kind - if I went out with friends there was a whole Facebook album dedicated to the occasion.
I read something one day. I don't even remember what the words were, or where I read it, or even when. I just remember looking back at my life and thinking about how I spent so much time taking pictures that I really didn't have any time to make memories.
Now, I look at my Facebook friends, and I see everybody trying to come up with the best status for the most likes instead of saying what they feel and having actual opinions on things. People take pictures that will get shared as opposed to taking pictures that mean something. To those people I say, take a step back and re-evaluate your life. What are you really living for?
So, I'm trying not to be that person anymore.
I still take my camera with me to places, sometimes. I have my iPod and my phone. But mostly, I try to live and actually experience things. Make memories instead of take pictures.
I encourage you to do the same.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
On My Three Wishes
Today I'm going to do something a little different. My friend Tara AKA tuliptishuebox has done a 'Three Wishes' blog post, and has cordially invited me to do the same, so I am going to do one too! As a side-note, I wrote this blog post at work before reading Tara's post, so any similarities are completely coincidental!
Basically, I'm answering the age-old question: If you had three wishes, what would they be? I'm going to operate under the assumption that more wishes is not an option, because that takes away from the fun of having only three!
Before I get into my actual wishes, there are a couple wishes that I had initially thought of but eliminated First, time travel. Seems lie a fantastic idea at first, until you mess up your future or create a paradox or rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something. No, thanks!
The other one was constant and eternal happiness. People have feelings for a reason! Plus, you guys know that I'm a big believer in the human experience and embracing everything, including emotions like sadness and anger. Not to mention that people who are just bubbly and happy all the time are kind of annoying to people who are experiencing other emotions.
All right, so now that that's out of the way, what would I actually wish for?
My first wish would be to have the ability to teleport. This is something that I have put literally years of thought into. There would be so many perks! You could leave to go somewhere almost exactly when you need to be there - which would significantly increase the amount of time you had to get ready! You could go from Canada to Australia to South Africa, all in one day, and be back in time to sleep in your own bed! Not to mention all the gas money you'd save!
My second wish would be for myself and those I love to maintain good health. I'm not talking about never getting a cold or the flu or something - though that would be pretty cool too. No, I'm not talking about never dying, because human experience blah blah blah. I just mean that if I can like, not get a terminal illness or something when I'm like 40, that'd be cool. If I could be relatively healthy when I'm like 80 and die peacefully in my sleep or something, awesome. Obviously, I want the same for those around me.
Finally, I think my last wish would be to be remembered, at least for a little while. I realize that this might be difficult, especially to be remembered as a whole person and not just a fragment of one (see: On Being Forgotten), but it's a wish and I can ask for whatever I want, so there.
There you have it, my three wishes. I don't really know any other bloggers, but if you're a blogger and you're reading this, I encourage you to give this a shot! It's harder than you think!
If you do it, send me a link in the comments or on Twitter: @amyleighallain, and I'll link to you in my next post!
Happy Saturday! <3
Basically, I'm answering the age-old question: If you had three wishes, what would they be? I'm going to operate under the assumption that more wishes is not an option, because that takes away from the fun of having only three!
Before I get into my actual wishes, there are a couple wishes that I had initially thought of but eliminated First, time travel. Seems lie a fantastic idea at first, until you mess up your future or create a paradox or rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something. No, thanks!
The other one was constant and eternal happiness. People have feelings for a reason! Plus, you guys know that I'm a big believer in the human experience and embracing everything, including emotions like sadness and anger. Not to mention that people who are just bubbly and happy all the time are kind of annoying to people who are experiencing other emotions.
All right, so now that that's out of the way, what would I actually wish for?
My first wish would be to have the ability to teleport. This is something that I have put literally years of thought into. There would be so many perks! You could leave to go somewhere almost exactly when you need to be there - which would significantly increase the amount of time you had to get ready! You could go from Canada to Australia to South Africa, all in one day, and be back in time to sleep in your own bed! Not to mention all the gas money you'd save!
My second wish would be for myself and those I love to maintain good health. I'm not talking about never getting a cold or the flu or something - though that would be pretty cool too. No, I'm not talking about never dying, because human experience blah blah blah. I just mean that if I can like, not get a terminal illness or something when I'm like 40, that'd be cool. If I could be relatively healthy when I'm like 80 and die peacefully in my sleep or something, awesome. Obviously, I want the same for those around me.
Finally, I think my last wish would be to be remembered, at least for a little while. I realize that this might be difficult, especially to be remembered as a whole person and not just a fragment of one (see: On Being Forgotten), but it's a wish and I can ask for whatever I want, so there.
There you have it, my three wishes. I don't really know any other bloggers, but if you're a blogger and you're reading this, I encourage you to give this a shot! It's harder than you think!
If you do it, send me a link in the comments or on Twitter: @amyleighallain, and I'll link to you in my next post!
Happy Saturday! <3
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
On Building Blanket Forts
I think pretty much everybody has their good days and their bad days. I know I do, and I think it's important to just embrace the fact that we can't always be happy all the time. Why? Because feelings, both happy and sad, are temporary, and whatever you're going through will pass eventually.
I'm getting off topic. I am writing this post because if I'm having one of my bad days or if something happens and I get really sad or scared or even angry, I build a blanket fort. I kid you not, I will take my teddy bear and my DSi in there and play Pokemon for hours. I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, reverting back to being a child is comforting to me.
What I'm trying to say is that even though I have my bad days and I know that experience those emotions is temporary, I still like to have something to go to as a form of comfort.
So, if you are, in fact, having a bad day, I encourage you to build a blanket fort.
I'm getting off topic. I am writing this post because if I'm having one of my bad days or if something happens and I get really sad or scared or even angry, I build a blanket fort. I kid you not, I will take my teddy bear and my DSi in there and play Pokemon for hours. I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, reverting back to being a child is comforting to me.
What I'm trying to say is that even though I have my bad days and I know that experience those emotions is temporary, I still like to have something to go to as a form of comfort.
So, if you are, in fact, having a bad day, I encourage you to build a blanket fort.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
On Change
I don't normally incorporate a whole lot of my personal life into my written blog posts, but today I'm going to make an exception.
I hear a lot of people saying that they are terrified of change, and I'm going to share with you a little secret. I don't understand. Change happens all the time and I think that I would be a lot more afraid - not to mention bored - if things were constantly the same.
I'm going to talk about myself for a minute here, and you're just going to have to bear with me. I am an entirely different person than I was a few years ago or last year or maybe even just a few months ago. It's odd for me to think about, because I would do something and explain it as "out of character for someone like me" but then over time, I would keep doing similar actions and that became my character and that's life, folks. Life is change and that's how we develop as people and I think it's an incredible process and I can't wait to experience more of it because more change means that I'm still alive and kicking.
Today, I am changing again. I used to be the kind of person that was afraid of temporary things but even more afraid of permanence and as a result I lived somewhere along the lines of spontaneity and unfulfilled goals. Shortly, within a few hours, I'll be getting my first tattoo. Pretty permanent if you ask me. I guess I'm still at that stage where I could say, "that's out of character for me." But I don't think it is. I think this is the person I am becoming and this is my character and my character likes making commitments.
Tonight, the boy that I am entirely enamored with, Dylan, is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It's a long-term commitment and I am going to say yes.
After all, I'm a long-term kind of girl.
I hear a lot of people saying that they are terrified of change, and I'm going to share with you a little secret. I don't understand. Change happens all the time and I think that I would be a lot more afraid - not to mention bored - if things were constantly the same.
I'm going to talk about myself for a minute here, and you're just going to have to bear with me. I am an entirely different person than I was a few years ago or last year or maybe even just a few months ago. It's odd for me to think about, because I would do something and explain it as "out of character for someone like me" but then over time, I would keep doing similar actions and that became my character and that's life, folks. Life is change and that's how we develop as people and I think it's an incredible process and I can't wait to experience more of it because more change means that I'm still alive and kicking.
Today, I am changing again. I used to be the kind of person that was afraid of temporary things but even more afraid of permanence and as a result I lived somewhere along the lines of spontaneity and unfulfilled goals. Shortly, within a few hours, I'll be getting my first tattoo. Pretty permanent if you ask me. I guess I'm still at that stage where I could say, "that's out of character for me." But I don't think it is. I think this is the person I am becoming and this is my character and my character likes making commitments.
Tonight, the boy that I am entirely enamored with, Dylan, is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It's a long-term commitment and I am going to say yes.
After all, I'm a long-term kind of girl.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
On Beauty and Perception
So the other day I found something I had written a while back about the human perception of beauty and how a lot of what we perceive as beautiful is temporary or fictional. For example: fairy tales of everlasting love, mythical creatures, people in general, modern art.
But then there are the things that we perceive as beautiful simply because they are rare and I don't think that's fair. I mean, just because you don't see it often doesn't make it beautiful. If you only saw one spider in your lifetime, it would still be a disgusting eight-legged tiny little monster. I also think that it isn't fair to say that just because you see trees in most places doesn't mean they aren't a beautiful thing to come by.
I guess it's just a matter of opinion and it all depends on personal preference, but I have a mission for my reader(s). I strongly encourage you to try finding beauty in something that you normal wouldn't consider beautiful. Who knows - you just might surprise yourself.
On another note, sorry about posing late! I had no Internet connection yesterday!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
On Tolerance
All right, so I want to talk about something that I sincerely do not understand. Of course, everyone can have their own opinion, and discussion is great, and I'm not trying to push my views or anything. I just really do not understand.
So gay marriage has been a hot topic recently. What I want to say is: Who cares? I don't mean that in a bad way, either. What I mean is, if you're against gay marriage, don't marry the same sex. Whoa, suddenly you don't have to worry about it. It's not your problem. You don't care about straight strangers getting married so why would you care if gay strangers are getting married? It has nothing to do with you! It's none of your business!
I know that I'm kind of contradicting myself in saying that it's none of your business because frankly none of it is my business either. It just gets me fired up to see people that hate other people for who they are and who they love. It's not like they can change it. I thought we were past judging people for things they can't change.
Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that if it doesn't affect you, then why bother trying to prevent it? It's not your business. Coexist and stuff. Hate things worth hating. Like spiders. Ugh.
So gay marriage has been a hot topic recently. What I want to say is: Who cares? I don't mean that in a bad way, either. What I mean is, if you're against gay marriage, don't marry the same sex. Whoa, suddenly you don't have to worry about it. It's not your problem. You don't care about straight strangers getting married so why would you care if gay strangers are getting married? It has nothing to do with you! It's none of your business!
I know that I'm kind of contradicting myself in saying that it's none of your business because frankly none of it is my business either. It just gets me fired up to see people that hate other people for who they are and who they love. It's not like they can change it. I thought we were past judging people for things they can't change.
Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that if it doesn't affect you, then why bother trying to prevent it? It's not your business. Coexist and stuff. Hate things worth hating. Like spiders. Ugh.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
On the Month of April 2013
A video to update you guys on my life and what's happened in it through the month of April.
Tara: tuliptishuebox.blogspot.com
Limbo: http://limbogame.org/
Day[9]: day9.tv
My Twitter: @amyleighallain
My Tumblr: http://thatsilleighgirl.tumblr.com/
My Facebook: www.facebook.com/amyleigh.allain
Let me know what you think! <3
Saturday, April 27, 2013
On Moments
"Moment" has always been a strange term to me, because it is basically an undefined unit of time. How long is a moment? Sometimes it's a few seconds, other times it's a few minutes. Pretty much anyone can decide how long a moment is and that definition changes from moment to moment, and that's an incredibly interesting concept to me.
I like moments, because they are a reflection of how time is a man-made concept. I like that my life could be comprised of an infinite number of moments, despite the minutes or hours or days probably being finite (I'm not ruling out immortality here). I like that I can "live in the moment" and also decide when that moment is and how long I want it to be.
I think that moments are also sort of a reflection on people and how they try to adapt things so they can better deal with them. On a shallow level, this means that people created moments to make measuring time easier. I can define a matter of seconds and several minutes with the same term - how efficient. But on a deeper level, it's easier to deal with a finite time-frame if I can define it in infinite terms; like I mentioned, my life has infinite moments, but probably a set number of minutes.
Regardless of how you think of moments, I hope you're seizing at least some of them and making them count. Have a fantastic weekend - comprised of infinite moments!
I like moments, because they are a reflection of how time is a man-made concept. I like that my life could be comprised of an infinite number of moments, despite the minutes or hours or days probably being finite (I'm not ruling out immortality here). I like that I can "live in the moment" and also decide when that moment is and how long I want it to be.
I think that moments are also sort of a reflection on people and how they try to adapt things so they can better deal with them. On a shallow level, this means that people created moments to make measuring time easier. I can define a matter of seconds and several minutes with the same term - how efficient. But on a deeper level, it's easier to deal with a finite time-frame if I can define it in infinite terms; like I mentioned, my life has infinite moments, but probably a set number of minutes.
Regardless of how you think of moments, I hope you're seizing at least some of them and making them count. Have a fantastic weekend - comprised of infinite moments!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
On Being Forgotten
Last week, a friend read to me something that had been posted on the internet. It was a philosophy class, or something like that, and the professor or instructor or whatever told the students to raise their hands if they could say something about their parents. All the hands were up. They were then asked if they could say something about their grandparents. Still a lot of hands. Great-grandparents. A few hands. Great-great-grandparents. No hands. In four short generations, we will be completely forgotten.
This, of course, got me to thinking, as I have an inexorable fear of being forgotten. I thought, well, now I need to do something fantastic so I will be remembered. But after a little more thought, I realized that, it isn't me that's going to be remembered. It'll be what I did. No one will know anything about me, except that I did this thing. I won't be me, I'll be a fragment of a person who did a single thing.
Controversial example time? I think so. Martin Luther King Junior. Known as the guy who seriously advanced civil rights. Honestly, that's pretty much all I know him for. The good things he did. Did he do everything right for his entire life? Probably not. Did he make mistakes? I'd say so, he's human. But we remember the fraction of him that's helped people, and that did the right thing.
Hitler is another example. Yes, he did horrible, horrible things. But there is a picture floating around on the internet of him, holding the hand of a small girl, walking down a path. It's an unsettling photo because people see Hitler as something human, as opposed to just a killing machine. I'm not justifying anything that happened - what he was responsible for was horrific and terrible and I hope it's something that never happens again. All I'm saying is that again, that's all we know of him. We don't know anything about the Hitler that held that little girl's hand.
I know, my posts usually end with a feel-good take-home message, but I honestly don't see any way around this. All I can really do is keep sharing myself with the internet, and hope that even a tiny fraction of myself is remembered.
This, of course, got me to thinking, as I have an inexorable fear of being forgotten. I thought, well, now I need to do something fantastic so I will be remembered. But after a little more thought, I realized that, it isn't me that's going to be remembered. It'll be what I did. No one will know anything about me, except that I did this thing. I won't be me, I'll be a fragment of a person who did a single thing.
Controversial example time? I think so. Martin Luther King Junior. Known as the guy who seriously advanced civil rights. Honestly, that's pretty much all I know him for. The good things he did. Did he do everything right for his entire life? Probably not. Did he make mistakes? I'd say so, he's human. But we remember the fraction of him that's helped people, and that did the right thing.
Hitler is another example. Yes, he did horrible, horrible things. But there is a picture floating around on the internet of him, holding the hand of a small girl, walking down a path. It's an unsettling photo because people see Hitler as something human, as opposed to just a killing machine. I'm not justifying anything that happened - what he was responsible for was horrific and terrible and I hope it's something that never happens again. All I'm saying is that again, that's all we know of him. We don't know anything about the Hitler that held that little girl's hand.
I know, my posts usually end with a feel-good take-home message, but I honestly don't see any way around this. All I can really do is keep sharing myself with the internet, and hope that even a tiny fraction of myself is remembered.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
On Happiness
I grew up in an environment that taught me a lot. I’m going
to try to not get into too much detail here for the sake of the privacy of
others, but I was around a lot of people that were deeply unhappy and maybe
even clinically depressed. I went through a pretty rough patch myself – who doesn't?
But one day, someone said something to me that really shook me. He told me, “I
don’t believe in depression as a disease. I believe in depression as a choice.”
At first, I thought nothing of it. I thought that it was a
silly thing to say, because, really, who would choose to be depressed? Of
course depression is a real issue. But, after some thought, I realized that
while he may not be entirely right about depression being a choice, there is
some truth to what he said. While depression is not a choice, happiness is.
As I mentioned, I grew up surrounded by very unhappy people,
and as a result, I ended up a pretty unhappy person, too. After this epiphany,
though, it was like waking up from a bad dream. Instead of dwelling on all
these things that made me so unhappy, I took note of the good things. I wrote
more. I surrounded myself with things and people that I knew would make me
happy, and now I’m a much happier person because of it.
I know, things can get really hard sometimes, and I’m not
trying to say that I never feel sad; I’m human, I still experience emotions.
What I am trying to say is that things always get better, and there is always
something to look forward to.
“Everything is okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s
not the end.” – John Lennon.
So chin up, buttercup – there’s so much to smile about!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
On Escaping
I have spent the last fourteen of my almost nineteen years
in the same tiny community, and the last twelve-and-a-half in the same house. It’s
a really nice neighborhood – super safe, a ton of sweet old people, and nearly
every household has at least one dog (I like dogs, okay?). But, believe it or
not, after fourteen years, even the nicest of places can get old. Like, really
old. Honestly, I've been here so long that I am starting to doubt the existence
of this place. It’s just the same imaginary people walking their same imaginary
dogs and following the same imaginary routine every day. Not only is it
unnerving, it’s actually kind of frustrating. Like, if all of these people are
here, happy with their imaginary lives, how can I ever hope to be anything
greater than what’s here?
Remember last post, when I said that a part of why I write
is so I can be someone else for a while? Well, the cool thing about writing is,
not only can I be an entirely different person, I can be in a totally different
place, too. It makes being stuck in this small town a little more bearable. The
only downside is that I spend a probably unhealthy amount of time in my bed
(yes, I am, in fact, in my bed right now) – but is that really a downside?
Sometimes, though, even writing isn't enough for me. Sometimes,
I think about running, no looking back. Obviously, that’s an unrealistic
thought. I know myself well enough to know I would never survive a new city by
myself; I’m far too awkward and uncomfortable for that. So, naturally, my
solution to being in this imaginary place with all these imaginary people is to
move across the Atlantic Ocean to not only a new city and country, but to a
whole new continent. In a little more than four months, I’ll be going to Europe
and leaving this quaint little neighborhood behind for (hopefully) bigger and
better things – if only for a year.
I’ll admit I’m terrified. I’m not generally the type to do
anything like this. I’m usually the “back off, I’m comfortable” type. The
imaginary type. But there’s something so appealing about breaking away from
that and being a different person in real life instead of just in writing or in
my own head. I mean, I’m definitely going to miss the comfort and my friends
and even the imaginary people. But I can’t wait to experience the escape.
Monday, April 15, 2013
On Being Awkward
I know this may come as a shock to you, but believe it or not, I, a girl who spends the majority of her time snuggling kittens, writing things for the internet, and watching Geek and Sundry and Day[9], am actually a pretty awkward person in real life. I have a tendency to laugh, like, a lot, when I get nervous and think something is just a little bit funny. I play out conversations in my head before starting them to make sure they won't take an awkward turn or end in awkward silence. Yeah, I wish that was a lie.
I've noticed that being awkward has become a bit of a trend. I have, in the past, been called the "cute, awkward type." But believe me, there is nothing about being awkward that makes me feel cute. I don't know where to look when I mumble "thank you" after someone compliments me. I've been known to blush at the mention of a name. There have been times when I have felt so awkward that I actually prayed I would melt through the floor and into another dimension where I would not have to be a part of that situation anymore. Sometimes, someone will say something, and I will get so embarrassed that my entire face turns red and my eyes start watering. Which leads to them asking why I am crying and my getting, you guessed it, even more embarrassed and awkward.
But despite being as awkward and anxious as I am, I still manage to lead a pretty happy life. I've got friends that help me through it by being with me in social situations so that I don't feel vulnerable and alone (I'm not sure if that's the social anxiety, the awkwardness, or the introverted part of me talking). I have technology to help me connect to people on a less personal level - I know, a lot of people think that that is a horrible thing, but honestly, it helps me to establish relationships - including social media, and texting, and sometimes phone calls, although I'm really bad at those unless I write down exactly what I need to say.
Of course, I have my writing as an outlet, as well. Even when I'm not talking about exactly what it is that bothers me, writing still calms me down. That's a big part of why I'm so passionate about writing, and why I do travel articles, and why I write this blog. Writing gives me a chance to be somebody else for a while. Somebody who is cool and collected and really knows what they're talking about - and is actually capable of talking about it. I guess that's why it's not really a big deal to me if it's one or ten or a million people who read this blog.
On a completely unrelated note, I want to apologize to the one or ten or a million people who actually do read this blog, for being not one but TWO DAYS LATE. I'm sorry! I plan to have my act together by tomorrow, so I should have a regular post up - provided I don't forget what day of the week it is again!
I've noticed that being awkward has become a bit of a trend. I have, in the past, been called the "cute, awkward type." But believe me, there is nothing about being awkward that makes me feel cute. I don't know where to look when I mumble "thank you" after someone compliments me. I've been known to blush at the mention of a name. There have been times when I have felt so awkward that I actually prayed I would melt through the floor and into another dimension where I would not have to be a part of that situation anymore. Sometimes, someone will say something, and I will get so embarrassed that my entire face turns red and my eyes start watering. Which leads to them asking why I am crying and my getting, you guessed it, even more embarrassed and awkward.
But despite being as awkward and anxious as I am, I still manage to lead a pretty happy life. I've got friends that help me through it by being with me in social situations so that I don't feel vulnerable and alone (I'm not sure if that's the social anxiety, the awkwardness, or the introverted part of me talking). I have technology to help me connect to people on a less personal level - I know, a lot of people think that that is a horrible thing, but honestly, it helps me to establish relationships - including social media, and texting, and sometimes phone calls, although I'm really bad at those unless I write down exactly what I need to say.
Of course, I have my writing as an outlet, as well. Even when I'm not talking about exactly what it is that bothers me, writing still calms me down. That's a big part of why I'm so passionate about writing, and why I do travel articles, and why I write this blog. Writing gives me a chance to be somebody else for a while. Somebody who is cool and collected and really knows what they're talking about - and is actually capable of talking about it. I guess that's why it's not really a big deal to me if it's one or ten or a million people who read this blog.
On a completely unrelated note, I want to apologize to the one or ten or a million people who actually do read this blog, for being not one but TWO DAYS LATE. I'm sorry! I plan to have my act together by tomorrow, so I should have a regular post up - provided I don't forget what day of the week it is again!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
On My Life at the Moment
Okay so this isn't my usual kind of post but I just wanted to give a little update on what's going on with me. I know, I didn't post on Tuesday like usual, but yesterday was a late night for me, and things are really busy lately!
Academics: So yesterday I had my final Proof of Proficiency, which takes the place of my university exams. Staff and family and some of the students were invited to that, so it was pretty nerve-wracking, but I think we did all right! We went out for Chinese food after, and then ice cream. It was a great night. I had one last test today, and I have some final edits to do on my last paper of the semester, but basically, I survived first year of university! Yay!
Gaming: Yesterday, my friend introduced me to Battle Block Theater, which is a game I highly recommend. I had a lot of fun playing it co-op. I haven't played it single player yet but I have every intention to purchase it and do just that! I'm late to the party here, but I started playing through the Gears of War campaign last night, and I must say, while I'm not usually a first-person shooter kinda girl, I am really enjoying it! There's something strangely satisfying about ripping Locusts apart with a chainsaw. Tonight, I played Gears again for a while, and then switched over to Burnout Paradise, which, as it turns out, I do enjoy.
On a sort of gaming-related note, I have finally subscribed to Day[9] on twitch, which is way more exciting for me than it probably should be. My Day[9] shirt still hasn't arrived, but I'm really looking forward to when it does - hopefully in time for the next Funday Monday! Also, I binge-watched all of TableTop on Geek and Sundry, so I guess I'll be looking forward to that every Thursday!
Work: Not really anything new going on at the gas bar. I have a couple articles due at the end of this week, but aside from that, all is well and normal here!
So there's the update on my life at the moment! Sorry I didn't have anything creative to say tonight, but the post is already late and frankly, I'm feeling pretty zapped after the presentations. Hope everything is well in the world of the readers! <3
Academics: So yesterday I had my final Proof of Proficiency, which takes the place of my university exams. Staff and family and some of the students were invited to that, so it was pretty nerve-wracking, but I think we did all right! We went out for Chinese food after, and then ice cream. It was a great night. I had one last test today, and I have some final edits to do on my last paper of the semester, but basically, I survived first year of university! Yay!
Gaming: Yesterday, my friend introduced me to Battle Block Theater, which is a game I highly recommend. I had a lot of fun playing it co-op. I haven't played it single player yet but I have every intention to purchase it and do just that! I'm late to the party here, but I started playing through the Gears of War campaign last night, and I must say, while I'm not usually a first-person shooter kinda girl, I am really enjoying it! There's something strangely satisfying about ripping Locusts apart with a chainsaw. Tonight, I played Gears again for a while, and then switched over to Burnout Paradise, which, as it turns out, I do enjoy.
On a sort of gaming-related note, I have finally subscribed to Day[9] on twitch, which is way more exciting for me than it probably should be. My Day[9] shirt still hasn't arrived, but I'm really looking forward to when it does - hopefully in time for the next Funday Monday! Also, I binge-watched all of TableTop on Geek and Sundry, so I guess I'll be looking forward to that every Thursday!
Work: Not really anything new going on at the gas bar. I have a couple articles due at the end of this week, but aside from that, all is well and normal here!
So there's the update on my life at the moment! Sorry I didn't have anything creative to say tonight, but the post is already late and frankly, I'm feeling pretty zapped after the presentations. Hope everything is well in the world of the readers! <3
Saturday, April 6, 2013
On Perfection
The other day, a new friend of mine used the common phrase, “nobody
is perfect.” I expected a response that indicated my strangeness when I told
him that imperfection is what makes things beautiful, but to my surprise, he agreed
with me. Naturally, the thought that came to mind was, ‘what a great topic for
my blog,’ and here we are.
Perfection is something a lot of people strive to attain.
Even I, the deep, philosophical one (ha, ha), have tried desperately to cover
up the freckles dotted across my nose, and, like most women, have prayed for a
body I know is impossible to attain. But what we've got was handed to us by
nature, and frankly, I believe that an entire universe spawning out of nothing
is a miracle in itself, and being a product of something like that is pretty
freaking perfect all on its own.
Besides all that stuff, there is of course the fact that if nothing
was imperfect, things would get really boring. Imagine if everything was
exactly the same, and there was nothing to stand out or be different.
Theoretically, everything would be perfect, but we’d all get bored of looking
at it all. I never get bored of looking at things that aren't perfect – they make
the things that at perfect all the better to appreciate, and the flaws
themselves are often something to appreciate.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that while nothing is
really perfect, this world as a whole comes pretty damn close, and I, for one,
am absolutely thrilled to be a part of it.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
On Bits and Pieces
A friend of mine recently asked me why I use a pseudonym, or
a pen name, when I’m writing my articles. I wasn’t really sure how to answer
him – it’s hard to explain to someone that you ARE getting credit for your
articles, just under a different name. Ever since he asked me, I've been trying
to figure out a way to explain it in a way that hopefully more people than just
me will understand.
Names and who we are is reflected in one statement: I am. I
am Amy-Leigh. I am a writer. I am a girlfriend and I am a sister and I am a
daughter. I am imperfect and I am tolerant. I’d like to believe that I am
open-minded. Everything we are is supposed to be summed up in one name, and I
can’t handle that. I feel that there is more substance to me, to pretty much
everyone, than simply one name or label. Everybody is more than one thing.
That’s why I write under a pen name – because writer Amy-Leigh is not the same
as Twitter Amy-Leigh or blogger Amy-Leigh. There are different parts to myself
that I am willing to show only at certain times, and all those different pieces
of me are supposed to be summed up in one name and frankly I don’t like that.
It’s not that I’m trying to hide from my work or anything like that; it’s just
that Amy-Leigh and the girl who writes those articles feel like two different
people to me.
This is around the point of the post where I realize that
maybe I’m actually just crazy. I’ll continue regardless.
You may have noticed that while there are a million
different aspects of who I am, of whom anyone is, I've only got my name and a
pen name, as opposed to a million different names. I've pretty much managed to
divide my life up into two categories; real Amy-Leigh and everyone else’s
Amy-Leigh. Oddly enough, real Amy-Leigh is the Amy-Leigh that operates under a
pen name, and honestly this blog should have been under that pen name too, it’s
just that I hadn't thought of all this when I started the blog yet. So know
that what you’re getting here is the part of my that isn't shared with most of
the people in my life because I’m not here to impress anyone – I’m here to talk
endlessly about myself so I can figure out who exactly “myself” is.
SMOOTH SEGWAY into everyone else’s Amy-Leigh. That’s my real
name and my real. That’s the Amy-Leigh that finds it really hard to try to be
myself around other people because I am constantly trying to figure out what
everyone else wants to hear and see and then I try to be that. I have a
pseudonym because I want the part of my life that is made up of my thoughts to
be recognized sometimes, not just the part of me that tries to impress everyone
else.
Well this post turned out to be a lot longer than I
expected, so I’m sorry about that. But if you’re still here with me: I
encourage you to try being someone else, and by someone else, I mean yourself.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
On Being a Geek
So I was sitting here painting my nails and watching the International TableTop Day livestream when suddenly it struck me that me, sitting here painting my nails and watching that stream, could be considered an oxymoron to some. Painting your nails is generally seen as something girly, and watching this stream is probably considered geeky, and to a lot of people "girly" and "geeky" contradict each other.
However, I'd like to think that I can be girly, and geeky. I think Felicia Day put it really well when she mentioned that our definition of the word geek is changing. It's becoming a cliche, and I have to agree with her when she says that a geek should not be defined solely by what they like or what their hobbies are. A geek is instead someone who doesn't care about the judgement of others - and that's why I can sit here and paint my nails and watch Geek and Sundry and not care if anyone thinks I'm a geek or a poser or whatever.
As a side-note, Sean Plott AKA Day[9] just retweeted one of my tweets (@amyleighallain!) regarding his coming in not last on TableTop and I got so excited that I just felt I had to share it with anyone willing to listen (or read about it)! :)
However, I'd like to think that I can be girly, and geeky. I think Felicia Day put it really well when she mentioned that our definition of the word geek is changing. It's becoming a cliche, and I have to agree with her when she says that a geek should not be defined solely by what they like or what their hobbies are. A geek is instead someone who doesn't care about the judgement of others - and that's why I can sit here and paint my nails and watch Geek and Sundry and not care if anyone thinks I'm a geek or a poser or whatever.
As a side-note, Sean Plott AKA Day[9] just retweeted one of my tweets (@amyleighallain!) regarding his coming in not last on TableTop and I got so excited that I just felt I had to share it with anyone willing to listen (or read about it)! :)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
On Enjoying Life
So, as you all know from my last post, I am a fan of being busy. But I have had some time today to think things over, and I've realized, sometimes, it's important to not be busy. Now, this is a topic that I am completely conflicted over, and as an 18-year-old it's kind of hard to figure out what a fulfilling life really consists of, but I am doing my best.
It is especially hard to try to figure out what you need in life when you have nearly everyone in your life trying to pull you in a different direction and forcing you to make decisions about the rest of your life. Honestly, I'm not even the legal age to make a responsible decision about alcohol, and I'm supposed to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life? I'm barely even old enough to vote! The best part is, if I make the wrong decision, I'm like, 20,000 dollars in debt already. WOOHOO.
Of course, thinking about all of this sort of drives me into an existential crisis. Who cares what I do with my life? So I'll go get my university degree, I will or won't get a job, I'll have a good life or a bad life, I'll be a mother or a wife or an aunt or none of those, and eventually I will die and nothing that I have done will matter. I will not exist any more, which is a hard concept to grasp. Eventually, none of us will exist. No one will. We'll all be gone and none of these breakthroughs we've made or the things that we've done, the flying to the moon or the technological advancements or even the little things like that youtube video you posted that went viral, none of it is going to matter, it will all be gone. So who cares if I spend my time writing a blog, doing my school work, writing travel articles for a website, working at a gas station? I might as well do what makes me happy at the moment, right?
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I would really like to be busy. But at the same time, I would really like to relax and enjoy what I'm doing, because in the end there isn't much point in doing anything but that.
Also, as a little end note, I'd like to take a moment to say to Tara: Enjoy life especially today! Happy birthday to one of my very best friends!
It is especially hard to try to figure out what you need in life when you have nearly everyone in your life trying to pull you in a different direction and forcing you to make decisions about the rest of your life. Honestly, I'm not even the legal age to make a responsible decision about alcohol, and I'm supposed to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life? I'm barely even old enough to vote! The best part is, if I make the wrong decision, I'm like, 20,000 dollars in debt already. WOOHOO.
Of course, thinking about all of this sort of drives me into an existential crisis. Who cares what I do with my life? So I'll go get my university degree, I will or won't get a job, I'll have a good life or a bad life, I'll be a mother or a wife or an aunt or none of those, and eventually I will die and nothing that I have done will matter. I will not exist any more, which is a hard concept to grasp. Eventually, none of us will exist. No one will. We'll all be gone and none of these breakthroughs we've made or the things that we've done, the flying to the moon or the technological advancements or even the little things like that youtube video you posted that went viral, none of it is going to matter, it will all be gone. So who cares if I spend my time writing a blog, doing my school work, writing travel articles for a website, working at a gas station? I might as well do what makes me happy at the moment, right?
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I would really like to be busy. But at the same time, I would really like to relax and enjoy what I'm doing, because in the end there isn't much point in doing anything but that.
Also, as a little end note, I'd like to take a moment to say to Tara: Enjoy life especially today! Happy birthday to one of my very best friends!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
On My Busy Life
So, as I mentioned, I am a student at university and I also work at a gas station. I decided I wasn't nearly busy enough, so now I am working an unpaid position as a writer for www.excitingworldtravels.com. I haven't published anything on there, but my first article is due Friday if anyone wants to check it out.
Now, I am far too busy for my own good, as the end of the semester is rapidly approaching. I have a million things to do for school, I have my articles, I'm trying to work as many hours as possible... And on top of all that, I have my running, my yoga, my friends and family, and my boyfriend. AND I am trying to plan my trip to the Netherlands at the same time!
Thank goodness I love being busy!
Now, I am far too busy for my own good, as the end of the semester is rapidly approaching. I have a million things to do for school, I have my articles, I'm trying to work as many hours as possible... And on top of all that, I have my running, my yoga, my friends and family, and my boyfriend. AND I am trying to plan my trip to the Netherlands at the same time!
Thank goodness I love being busy!
Friday, March 15, 2013
On Snapchat
Yeah so I got snapchat today and it is taking over my life already. I only have three or four people on there and I'm just spending far too much time on it. It is so much fun! I've just been sending ugly selfies to all my friends, and one of my old friends saw on twitter (I have twitter by the way: @amyleighallain) that I got it and he's sending me pictures now too! It's so much fun. If anyone reads this, and wants to interact with me, you can go ahead and add me on there: amyleighallain.
Yup, that post turned into shameless self-promoting awfully quickly!
Yup, that post turned into shameless self-promoting awfully quickly!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
On Time Management
So. As a full-time student and a part-time worker, I'm usually a pretty busy person. This week, I happen to be even busier than I usually am - I worked last night, tonight, and for the next three days (a lot in a row for me). I just wanted to take this opportunity to let any future college students that read this know: time management is extremely important. It's hard to find a balance between a social life and a school life, and it gets even harder when you try to throw work AND sleep in there. It isn't impossible, and by no means should you feel discouraged. But figuring out what you need to do and how to use your time effectively is pretty much essential.
On an unrelated note, happy pi day! Also, today is supposedly Hug an Engineer/Engineering Student day. So happy that, also!
On an unrelated note, happy pi day! Also, today is supposedly Hug an Engineer/Engineering Student day. So happy that, also!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
On Running
No pain, no gain...
But if only that weren't the case! I went running on Monday for the first time in a long time. I had every intention to go out again on yesterday, until I woke up to the pain in my legs from doing something I hadn't done in so long. Yesterday, I decided I needed a new pair of running shoes because my old ones were falling apart. I made the mistake of showing my little brother when I got home, who decided we needed to immediately go for a run to try them out. I went, despite the pain in my legs.
Long story short, I woke up today barely able to function like a normal human being. Which is unfortunate, because all I want to do is go out running!
But if only that weren't the case! I went running on Monday for the first time in a long time. I had every intention to go out again on yesterday, until I woke up to the pain in my legs from doing something I hadn't done in so long. Yesterday, I decided I needed a new pair of running shoes because my old ones were falling apart. I made the mistake of showing my little brother when I got home, who decided we needed to immediately go for a run to try them out. I went, despite the pain in my legs.
Long story short, I woke up today barely able to function like a normal human being. Which is unfortunate, because all I want to do is go out running!
Monday, March 11, 2013
On Permanence (Or Lack Thereof)
Lately everything has been feeling awfully temporary to me. I am leaving for Europe in less than six months, and I'll be gone for a year, and so I think I have developed the mindset that nothing in the next year and a half is permanent... maybe nothing at all.
Along with all the excitement of leaving and going to a new country on another continent for a year, there is a certain sense of sadness that comes with too much temporary, not enough permanent. I keep thinking about holidays that I will not be spending at home, and I'll be missing both of my brothers' birthdays as well as my mother's. I'll miss my family, of course, but on the flip side, it'll be nice to be so completely on my own for a while.
And then there's my relationship. We've only been together about a month and a half (officially anyway), and we went into this knowing that I would be leaving in August. Still, it makes me sad to think that this has to end in not even half a year. I'm going to miss him a lot, and it sucks to know that this is temporary, but I guess all I can do - all we can do - is make the best of it while I'm here. The least we can do is make some good memories (I hate the idea of being forgotten).
Don't get me wrong, I am so, so excited to study abroad and live an entirely different life while I'm gone. It will be so much fun to learn another language and another way of life. But I'm also kind of excited to get back so things can start feeling permanent again.
Along with all the excitement of leaving and going to a new country on another continent for a year, there is a certain sense of sadness that comes with too much temporary, not enough permanent. I keep thinking about holidays that I will not be spending at home, and I'll be missing both of my brothers' birthdays as well as my mother's. I'll miss my family, of course, but on the flip side, it'll be nice to be so completely on my own for a while.
And then there's my relationship. We've only been together about a month and a half (officially anyway), and we went into this knowing that I would be leaving in August. Still, it makes me sad to think that this has to end in not even half a year. I'm going to miss him a lot, and it sucks to know that this is temporary, but I guess all I can do - all we can do - is make the best of it while I'm here. The least we can do is make some good memories (I hate the idea of being forgotten).
Don't get me wrong, I am so, so excited to study abroad and live an entirely different life while I'm gone. It will be so much fun to learn another language and another way of life. But I'm also kind of excited to get back so things can start feeling permanent again.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
On My Name
As you probably know (I mean, you are here, right?), the title of this blog is Go Loving By. It has occurred to me that if anyone ever actually reads this blog, this might be considered a kind of weird name, so I thought I would explain it now.
One of my favorite poets of all time is Robert Frost (original, I know) and he has a poem called Carpe Diem. The poem starts out: "Age saw two quiet children/ Go loving by at twilight" and as you may have guessed the phrase "go loving by" really stuck out to me. Not necessarily because that happens to be what the quiet children happened to be doing, but rather because I feel these are good life instructions. Go loving by. Don't stop, don't get tangled up in anything. Don't hate or resent or hold grudges. Go loving by.
So that is why the name of my blog is Go Loving By. As a side note, I highly recommend the poem and the poet.
Carpe Diem: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20520
One of my favorite poets of all time is Robert Frost (original, I know) and he has a poem called Carpe Diem. The poem starts out: "Age saw two quiet children/ Go loving by at twilight" and as you may have guessed the phrase "go loving by" really stuck out to me. Not necessarily because that happens to be what the quiet children happened to be doing, but rather because I feel these are good life instructions. Go loving by. Don't stop, don't get tangled up in anything. Don't hate or resent or hold grudges. Go loving by.
So that is why the name of my blog is Go Loving By. As a side note, I highly recommend the poem and the poet.
Carpe Diem: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20520
On Amy-Leigh Allain
Hello, world.
I am Amy-Leigh. I am a fan of the impossible and afraid of the unknown. I suppose I am here because I have something important to say - I'm just not sure what it is yet.
I would love to tell you all about myself, but the problem there lies in that I don't really know myself well enough to have anything to say.
I can tell you that I am 18 years old, that I am Canadian, that I have a family and friends and a loving boyfriend. I am a sister, a daughter, and hope never to be a mother. I am a student, a gas station attendant, a cashier.
Honestly though, I am made up of little bits and pieces and shards of every person I have ever met, some more than others, and I haven't the slightest clue how to be myself without being everyone else.
Regardless, that's a little bit about me. Whoever I am.
I am Amy-Leigh. I am a fan of the impossible and afraid of the unknown. I suppose I am here because I have something important to say - I'm just not sure what it is yet.
I would love to tell you all about myself, but the problem there lies in that I don't really know myself well enough to have anything to say.
I can tell you that I am 18 years old, that I am Canadian, that I have a family and friends and a loving boyfriend. I am a sister, a daughter, and hope never to be a mother. I am a student, a gas station attendant, a cashier.
Honestly though, I am made up of little bits and pieces and shards of every person I have ever met, some more than others, and I haven't the slightest clue how to be myself without being everyone else.
Regardless, that's a little bit about me. Whoever I am.
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