On Being Independent

Hello internet. I am turning 19 in 12 days, and yesterday, I finally got my driver's license. Woohoo.

I am generally a very independent person. I like grocery shopping and having a job and paying for my own things. I don't like depending on anyone else for anything. But somehow I waited about two and a half years to get my license. I don't know why, maybe there is some psychological meaning buried deep in this brain of mine, but I haven't found it. I don't much care to, either.

Regardless, I wanted to celebrate this bit of independence earned with you folks by sharing with you a bit of my life and the reasons behind why I like being independent.

I think the main reason behind my not wanting to depend on anyone else is that I have seen a lot of heartbreak and empty promises and tears in my life. I grew up too fast because the people around me depended on others, and I swore to never be like that. I have seen people suffer at the hands of people they had loved, and I decided that I never wanted to be so vulnerable.

The other reason would be that for a lot of my life, I have tried to impress everyone around me. People that I don't even like, sometimes. But if I can go shopping on my own or work to earn my own money, then that makes me a real person, and that's something that I need to know. I am a real person and I have real worth.

But, as much as I love independence, I never seem to be very independent. As I said, for the longest time I had no license. I often depend on the people around me, especially my boyfriend. I think I'm beginning to be okay with that though. I think to live as people we need to know that we have limits and not everything can be done on our own. I am lucky enough to have people that I trust around me, that I can depend on without much damage to my precious ego. Dylan, especially, supports me enough that I feel like not only are we growing as a pair, but I am also growing as a person, and I deeply appreciate that.

Maybe independence is not about doing everything on your own. Maybe it is more about knowing when you do need help and support, and being able to swallow your pride and ask for it. Maybe it's about choosing the right people to ask.


PS - Sorry I'm late again! But I'm pretty sure being independent means I can post whenever I please... xo <3