On Weddings

Yesterday, Dylan and I went to New Brunswick for my cousin's wedding. It got me to thinking about weddings and marriage, and it's also the reason I didn't post yesterday. 

I have my own wedding pretty much completely planned out already. I know how old I want to be and what time of year - I even know what I want the invitations to look like. That doesn't necessarily mean it's all going to happen as planned, just that I know what I want.

I love that I know enough about what I want to know how I want my wedding to be. But that's not really what marriage is about. A wedding is just one day. A marriage is a commitment that lasts a lifetime (or should, anyway). I may know what I want from my wedding, but I have no idea what I want from a marriage. I mean, I think I want kids, and I want to be generally happy, and in love. But that's all I know.

I think that's okay though. Maybe some things aren't meant to be planned out all the way. Maybe life is better with a few surprises. I sure hope so.

On Certainty

You know that phrase about the two things you can be certain of in life being death and taxes? I hate it. Not because it's a cliche and everybody says it (although hearing it constantly doesn't help), but because I think you can be sure of more than just two things in life. I mean, yeah those two things are pretty much universal certainties, but everyone has their own certainties and that's why it bothers me so much to hear that phrase. You are an INDIVIDUAL. You don't have the same certainties as everyone around you but I can nearly guarantee you've got at least a few of your own.

Of course, now I am going to share with you some of my  certainties: fear, love, and emotion. 

I know that I am guaranteed fear in life. I am afraid of, life, a lot of things, and to think that I will never have to face any of them is naive and foolish.

I am guaranteed love. I was blessed with an amazing family, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. I love all of them, each in their own way, and I am loved in return.

Finally, of course I am sure of emotion. As you all know, I love emotions. Even the bad ones help to define us as people, and how we react to each emotion and deal with them helps to define us as individuals. It's incredible and I would not change being able to experience that for the world.

Yes, pretty much all of us can rest assured knowing that we'll all die some day and we all have taxes to worry about. But seriously people, I think we can dig a little deeper than that.

On Being an Adult

I am turning 19 in a little over a month and I like to consider myself an adult. I have considered myself an adult for about a year now, and I have noticed one thing in particular about adulthood: it's hard.

I am going into my second year of university, which is great and I am blessed to have that privilege. On the other hand, though, by the time my four years are done, I am going to have a massive pile of debt, which I will attempt to pay off by working my life away. But hey, it keeps me occupied.

I am moving out on my own on August 31st for the first time in my life. I will be living in another country on another continent. I'll have to buy my own groceries and cook all my meals. Of course it's exciting, but it's pretty terrifying too.

So yes, growing up is hard and it sucks to have to go to work instead of hanging out with friends. But the cool thing about being an adult is you learn stuff. You find out what you like and the kind of person you are and who will build you up and who will tear you down. I've learned to surround myself with people I care about, like Dylan and my family and my best friends. and as hard as it is, I'm learning to let go of the people who suck.

Nobody ever said it would be easy. But I have a feeling it will be worth it.

On Being Lucky

I am only now realizing that yesterday was Tuesday. Forgive my forgetfulness and focus on the fact that I am still posting!

I am an extraordinarily lucky person. I was lucky enough to be born in Canada. I have been blessed with a wonderful family, and fantastic friends, and an amazing boyfriend. I had the privilege of going to not only elementary and high school, but I'm also going into my second of four years in university.

Sure, these are all things that most people, or at least most if the people around me, have come to expect out of life. I know that I, for sure, have taken at least a few of these things for granted. I complain, a lot. Often times about things that I brought upon myself or that I could have easily prevented or that frankly are not worth complaining about.

Tonight, I decided to just be grateful for the great things that have essentially been handed to me in life. Honestly, the list goes on and on, and there's really not a lot in my life that I'm not genuinely lucky to have.

The point is, life is short. If you don't take the time to look around and appreciate the things you have now, who's to say you're going to get another chance?

On Things I Like

Earlier this week, I was going through a bunch of old, half-filled notebooks, and I found this page that I had taken to write down things that I love, to remind myself of the positive things and drown out the negative. My first thought was, "hey, there's a blog post in there somewhere." My next was, "wow, at least I have something figured out."

I realize that usually I post about stuff that has a bigger story or a moral behind it. But today, I just want to tell you guys some things that I like. I know this might be a bit disappointing, but I write this for myself, to figure out who I am, so if you don't like the idea, just wait for the next post.

Things I Love:

- when my favorite song comes on the radio

- the smell of a campfire

- road trips

- denim shorts

- boyfriend sweaters/t-shirts

- late night conversations

- spontaneous dates

- cuddling and watching movies (especially when it's raining)

- playing video games

- night skiing and chairlift conversations

- nights that are so clear you could count the stars if you had the time

So there is a list of just a few of the things I love. Maybe in a later post I'll talk more about why I love some of them.

As always, if you love this, or hate this, let me know in the comments or on twitter: twitter.com/AmyLeighAllain

On Having a Plan

I like organization. I like keeping things in order and I like knowing what I am about to do before I do it. I like knowing what the consequences will be before I do anything and I like to figure things out ahead of time.

All that being said, I've never been the kind of person to have my life all planned out. I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up, though I do have a few ideas. I'm pretty sure I want to get married someday, but I have no idea when. I don't know if I want kids. I don't know where I want to live.

If you're like me, and you have know idea what you really want out of life, I am here to give you my two cents. First off, I know how completely terrifying it is to be around people who have everything all figured out and who know exactly what they want out of life when you don't even know what you want for lunch. I also know how frustrating it is to have a lot of people you love have these really high expectations for you that seem almost unreachable.

What you have to remember is that this is your life. You make the decisions. So you don't have it all figured out right away. Big deal! Take it one step at a time. For me, step one is university. I know what general area I want to go into, it's just a matter of specifics now, and the next three years will help me figure that out.

I still don't know when I'm going to get married or have kids or any of that stuff. But I can still be happy without knowing. After all, where's the adventure if you've got it all figured out?

Oh look, I'm still talking!

Okay, so today is June 11th, and I just wanted to take a minute to say happy one-month to my wonderful boyfriend, Dylan. This month has been incredible, and I'm so happy. We've got a good thing going here, and I hope we've got many more months ahead of us. <3

On Stories

The other day, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office and I had a short conversation with an old lady sitting next to me about her book club and how the book they were making her read was awful. We talked for a totally of about three minutes but it was probably the highlight of my day, because I got to know a fragment of one of the people in the room with me.

It's incredibly strange and fascinating to me to think that all the people we see around us, all the "extras" in the movie of our lives, they all have stories and lives that go on while we're not around. That each and every person we catch a glimpse of, at a restaurant or on the train or in the hallway, has a life outside of that one glimpse.

The other day at work, an older lady came in, and she had an accent that I wasn't familiar with. I couldn't help but ask where she was from, and she told me she escaped  from Hungary as a little girl.

Basically the point I'm trying to make is that each and every person has a story. If you take the time to ask about someone, their story just might surprise you,

On Diving In

I have never been the kind of person to jump into something without thinking. I'm anxious and nervous and awkward, and I think about the consequences to pretty much everything before  I do it. I mean, before I start a conversation with someone, I think it through in my head to be sure it won't get awkward. I won't even go in the water at the beach without testing the water and putting some serious consideration into it.

But I'm kind of getting sick of being that person. 

I want to do something totally crazy. I want to find a situation that I have no control over and I want to dive into it, head-first. The last thing I want when I'm older is a whole bunch of 'could haves' and 'what ifs.' 

Last week, I went to the beach with Brandon, Cat and Tara. We were all out on the sand, and I lay there thinking that I was invincible. So I stood up and told them I was doing it and I ran into the water. It was freezing.

I might not have jumped, and I might not have dove head-first. But I'm getting there. Because I didn't walk, either. I didn't test the water.

I ran, and that's the first step.

On the Month of May 2013

Ancient Elements: http://www.ancient-elements.ca
Twitter: www.twitter.com/AmyLeighAllain

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