I started this blog approximately three months ago and I didn't know anything about myself. To my surprise, telling other people about me has actually taught me a lot about who I am, and I really like that I have these parts underneath my skin that I can share with you guys. Writing this blog has allowed me to embrace my feelings and my thoughts and even just the stupid little things I do, because I want to share them.
I always thought of myself as more or less an actress, playing the part of.. well, whoever the people around me wanted me to be. If people liked quiet and shy, I could be that. Center of attention? I could be that, too. But it's tiring, bending and molding yourself into someone you aren't just to impress the people around you. On top of that, you start to lose who you really are, and I got so lost that it took me two breakups and three months of constant writing to find myself again.
Today, I got out of the shower and got dressed and put my makeup on to the tune of my favorite playlist, at full volume. I danced around my room alone and I sang into my hairbrush. I haven't been that happy and had that much fun alone in a while. In that moment, there was no acting. That was all me. That's what I want from now on.
I\m sick of being an actress. It's time to work on being a person.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
On Fear
First off, I know this is a short one, sorry! I'm literally writing this at work!
But there are some fears I have that I believe are really worth facing. For example, I'm still scared of thunder, but I can just imagine how alive one would really standing outside in a thunderstorm, rain pouring down on an upturned face. I'm also terrified of the dark, but the feeling of running down the road at midnight or even walking through my house with all the lights off after dark is just so exhilarating!
I think that fear is another big part of the human experience and I think it really is important to have fears and embrace them and sometimes even face them. It's a nice little reminder that you are, in fact, alive.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
On Memories
First things first: It's Wednesday. Sorry about not posting yesterday! Believe it or not, sometimes I have a life outside of the Internet and yesterday I spent the day with my wonderful boyfriend, Dylan, and I just didn't have time to write a post.
Okay, so now that that's out of the way...
As some of you may already no, I have this inexorable fear of the inevitable: Being Forgotten. I know, it's bound to happen. As a result of this fear, I used to be the kind of person who took way too many pictures. You know the kind - if I went out with friends there was a whole Facebook album dedicated to the occasion.
I read something one day. I don't even remember what the words were, or where I read it, or even when. I just remember looking back at my life and thinking about how I spent so much time taking pictures that I really didn't have any time to make memories.
Now, I look at my Facebook friends, and I see everybody trying to come up with the best status for the most likes instead of saying what they feel and having actual opinions on things. People take pictures that will get shared as opposed to taking pictures that mean something. To those people I say, take a step back and re-evaluate your life. What are you really living for?
So, I'm trying not to be that person anymore.
I still take my camera with me to places, sometimes. I have my iPod and my phone. But mostly, I try to live and actually experience things. Make memories instead of take pictures.
I encourage you to do the same.
Okay, so now that that's out of the way...
As some of you may already no, I have this inexorable fear of the inevitable: Being Forgotten. I know, it's bound to happen. As a result of this fear, I used to be the kind of person who took way too many pictures. You know the kind - if I went out with friends there was a whole Facebook album dedicated to the occasion.
I read something one day. I don't even remember what the words were, or where I read it, or even when. I just remember looking back at my life and thinking about how I spent so much time taking pictures that I really didn't have any time to make memories.
Now, I look at my Facebook friends, and I see everybody trying to come up with the best status for the most likes instead of saying what they feel and having actual opinions on things. People take pictures that will get shared as opposed to taking pictures that mean something. To those people I say, take a step back and re-evaluate your life. What are you really living for?
So, I'm trying not to be that person anymore.
I still take my camera with me to places, sometimes. I have my iPod and my phone. But mostly, I try to live and actually experience things. Make memories instead of take pictures.
I encourage you to do the same.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
On My Three Wishes
Today I'm going to do something a little different. My friend Tara AKA tuliptishuebox has done a 'Three Wishes' blog post, and has cordially invited me to do the same, so I am going to do one too! As a side-note, I wrote this blog post at work before reading Tara's post, so any similarities are completely coincidental!
Basically, I'm answering the age-old question: If you had three wishes, what would they be? I'm going to operate under the assumption that more wishes is not an option, because that takes away from the fun of having only three!
Before I get into my actual wishes, there are a couple wishes that I had initially thought of but eliminated First, time travel. Seems lie a fantastic idea at first, until you mess up your future or create a paradox or rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something. No, thanks!
The other one was constant and eternal happiness. People have feelings for a reason! Plus, you guys know that I'm a big believer in the human experience and embracing everything, including emotions like sadness and anger. Not to mention that people who are just bubbly and happy all the time are kind of annoying to people who are experiencing other emotions.
All right, so now that that's out of the way, what would I actually wish for?
My first wish would be to have the ability to teleport. This is something that I have put literally years of thought into. There would be so many perks! You could leave to go somewhere almost exactly when you need to be there - which would significantly increase the amount of time you had to get ready! You could go from Canada to Australia to South Africa, all in one day, and be back in time to sleep in your own bed! Not to mention all the gas money you'd save!
My second wish would be for myself and those I love to maintain good health. I'm not talking about never getting a cold or the flu or something - though that would be pretty cool too. No, I'm not talking about never dying, because human experience blah blah blah. I just mean that if I can like, not get a terminal illness or something when I'm like 40, that'd be cool. If I could be relatively healthy when I'm like 80 and die peacefully in my sleep or something, awesome. Obviously, I want the same for those around me.
Finally, I think my last wish would be to be remembered, at least for a little while. I realize that this might be difficult, especially to be remembered as a whole person and not just a fragment of one (see: On Being Forgotten), but it's a wish and I can ask for whatever I want, so there.
There you have it, my three wishes. I don't really know any other bloggers, but if you're a blogger and you're reading this, I encourage you to give this a shot! It's harder than you think!
If you do it, send me a link in the comments or on Twitter: @amyleighallain, and I'll link to you in my next post!
Happy Saturday! <3
Basically, I'm answering the age-old question: If you had three wishes, what would they be? I'm going to operate under the assumption that more wishes is not an option, because that takes away from the fun of having only three!
Before I get into my actual wishes, there are a couple wishes that I had initially thought of but eliminated First, time travel. Seems lie a fantastic idea at first, until you mess up your future or create a paradox or rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something. No, thanks!
The other one was constant and eternal happiness. People have feelings for a reason! Plus, you guys know that I'm a big believer in the human experience and embracing everything, including emotions like sadness and anger. Not to mention that people who are just bubbly and happy all the time are kind of annoying to people who are experiencing other emotions.
All right, so now that that's out of the way, what would I actually wish for?
My first wish would be to have the ability to teleport. This is something that I have put literally years of thought into. There would be so many perks! You could leave to go somewhere almost exactly when you need to be there - which would significantly increase the amount of time you had to get ready! You could go from Canada to Australia to South Africa, all in one day, and be back in time to sleep in your own bed! Not to mention all the gas money you'd save!
My second wish would be for myself and those I love to maintain good health. I'm not talking about never getting a cold or the flu or something - though that would be pretty cool too. No, I'm not talking about never dying, because human experience blah blah blah. I just mean that if I can like, not get a terminal illness or something when I'm like 40, that'd be cool. If I could be relatively healthy when I'm like 80 and die peacefully in my sleep or something, awesome. Obviously, I want the same for those around me.
Finally, I think my last wish would be to be remembered, at least for a little while. I realize that this might be difficult, especially to be remembered as a whole person and not just a fragment of one (see: On Being Forgotten), but it's a wish and I can ask for whatever I want, so there.
There you have it, my three wishes. I don't really know any other bloggers, but if you're a blogger and you're reading this, I encourage you to give this a shot! It's harder than you think!
If you do it, send me a link in the comments or on Twitter: @amyleighallain, and I'll link to you in my next post!
Happy Saturday! <3
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
On Building Blanket Forts
I think pretty much everybody has their good days and their bad days. I know I do, and I think it's important to just embrace the fact that we can't always be happy all the time. Why? Because feelings, both happy and sad, are temporary, and whatever you're going through will pass eventually.
I'm getting off topic. I am writing this post because if I'm having one of my bad days or if something happens and I get really sad or scared or even angry, I build a blanket fort. I kid you not, I will take my teddy bear and my DSi in there and play Pokemon for hours. I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, reverting back to being a child is comforting to me.
What I'm trying to say is that even though I have my bad days and I know that experience those emotions is temporary, I still like to have something to go to as a form of comfort.
So, if you are, in fact, having a bad day, I encourage you to build a blanket fort.
I'm getting off topic. I am writing this post because if I'm having one of my bad days or if something happens and I get really sad or scared or even angry, I build a blanket fort. I kid you not, I will take my teddy bear and my DSi in there and play Pokemon for hours. I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, reverting back to being a child is comforting to me.
What I'm trying to say is that even though I have my bad days and I know that experience those emotions is temporary, I still like to have something to go to as a form of comfort.
So, if you are, in fact, having a bad day, I encourage you to build a blanket fort.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
On Change
I don't normally incorporate a whole lot of my personal life into my written blog posts, but today I'm going to make an exception.
I hear a lot of people saying that they are terrified of change, and I'm going to share with you a little secret. I don't understand. Change happens all the time and I think that I would be a lot more afraid - not to mention bored - if things were constantly the same.
I'm going to talk about myself for a minute here, and you're just going to have to bear with me. I am an entirely different person than I was a few years ago or last year or maybe even just a few months ago. It's odd for me to think about, because I would do something and explain it as "out of character for someone like me" but then over time, I would keep doing similar actions and that became my character and that's life, folks. Life is change and that's how we develop as people and I think it's an incredible process and I can't wait to experience more of it because more change means that I'm still alive and kicking.
Today, I am changing again. I used to be the kind of person that was afraid of temporary things but even more afraid of permanence and as a result I lived somewhere along the lines of spontaneity and unfulfilled goals. Shortly, within a few hours, I'll be getting my first tattoo. Pretty permanent if you ask me. I guess I'm still at that stage where I could say, "that's out of character for me." But I don't think it is. I think this is the person I am becoming and this is my character and my character likes making commitments.
Tonight, the boy that I am entirely enamored with, Dylan, is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It's a long-term commitment and I am going to say yes.
After all, I'm a long-term kind of girl.
I hear a lot of people saying that they are terrified of change, and I'm going to share with you a little secret. I don't understand. Change happens all the time and I think that I would be a lot more afraid - not to mention bored - if things were constantly the same.
I'm going to talk about myself for a minute here, and you're just going to have to bear with me. I am an entirely different person than I was a few years ago or last year or maybe even just a few months ago. It's odd for me to think about, because I would do something and explain it as "out of character for someone like me" but then over time, I would keep doing similar actions and that became my character and that's life, folks. Life is change and that's how we develop as people and I think it's an incredible process and I can't wait to experience more of it because more change means that I'm still alive and kicking.
Today, I am changing again. I used to be the kind of person that was afraid of temporary things but even more afraid of permanence and as a result I lived somewhere along the lines of spontaneity and unfulfilled goals. Shortly, within a few hours, I'll be getting my first tattoo. Pretty permanent if you ask me. I guess I'm still at that stage where I could say, "that's out of character for me." But I don't think it is. I think this is the person I am becoming and this is my character and my character likes making commitments.
Tonight, the boy that I am entirely enamored with, Dylan, is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It's a long-term commitment and I am going to say yes.
After all, I'm a long-term kind of girl.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
On Beauty and Perception
So the other day I found something I had written a while back about the human perception of beauty and how a lot of what we perceive as beautiful is temporary or fictional. For example: fairy tales of everlasting love, mythical creatures, people in general, modern art.
But then there are the things that we perceive as beautiful simply because they are rare and I don't think that's fair. I mean, just because you don't see it often doesn't make it beautiful. If you only saw one spider in your lifetime, it would still be a disgusting eight-legged tiny little monster. I also think that it isn't fair to say that just because you see trees in most places doesn't mean they aren't a beautiful thing to come by.
I guess it's just a matter of opinion and it all depends on personal preference, but I have a mission for my reader(s). I strongly encourage you to try finding beauty in something that you normal wouldn't consider beautiful. Who knows - you just might surprise yourself.
On another note, sorry about posing late! I had no Internet connection yesterday!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
On Tolerance
All right, so I want to talk about something that I sincerely do not understand. Of course, everyone can have their own opinion, and discussion is great, and I'm not trying to push my views or anything. I just really do not understand.
So gay marriage has been a hot topic recently. What I want to say is: Who cares? I don't mean that in a bad way, either. What I mean is, if you're against gay marriage, don't marry the same sex. Whoa, suddenly you don't have to worry about it. It's not your problem. You don't care about straight strangers getting married so why would you care if gay strangers are getting married? It has nothing to do with you! It's none of your business!
I know that I'm kind of contradicting myself in saying that it's none of your business because frankly none of it is my business either. It just gets me fired up to see people that hate other people for who they are and who they love. It's not like they can change it. I thought we were past judging people for things they can't change.
Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that if it doesn't affect you, then why bother trying to prevent it? It's not your business. Coexist and stuff. Hate things worth hating. Like spiders. Ugh.
So gay marriage has been a hot topic recently. What I want to say is: Who cares? I don't mean that in a bad way, either. What I mean is, if you're against gay marriage, don't marry the same sex. Whoa, suddenly you don't have to worry about it. It's not your problem. You don't care about straight strangers getting married so why would you care if gay strangers are getting married? It has nothing to do with you! It's none of your business!
I know that I'm kind of contradicting myself in saying that it's none of your business because frankly none of it is my business either. It just gets me fired up to see people that hate other people for who they are and who they love. It's not like they can change it. I thought we were past judging people for things they can't change.
Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that if it doesn't affect you, then why bother trying to prevent it? It's not your business. Coexist and stuff. Hate things worth hating. Like spiders. Ugh.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
On the Month of April 2013
A video to update you guys on my life and what's happened in it through the month of April.
Tara: tuliptishuebox.blogspot.com
Limbo: http://limbogame.org/
Day[9]: day9.tv
My Twitter: @amyleighallain
My Tumblr: http://thatsilleighgirl.tumblr.com/
My Facebook: www.facebook.com/amyleigh.allain
Let me know what you think! <3
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