Looking back, I have changed so much and yet so little since this time last year. It was around this time last year that I was going through a hard breakup and trying to figure myself out - which is, oddly enough, happening again this year, but that's beside the point. Basically, I have always had a lot of trouble defining myself. I've always thought I was weird because growing up I was constantly told, "just be yourself!" and I felt like I was the only person on the planet who didn't know how to do that. Now, I think there are a lot of people out there who don't really know who they are, and that's perfectly okay. I'm not even 20 years old. With some luck, I'll have plenty of time to figure all that out.
Another problem I've had with defining myself is that I've always tried to fit myself into one nice little box. Geeky, girly, family-oriented. I've always felt like I had to pick one and be that person. The truth is, I can't fit into one nice little box like that. I overflow. I'm messy and that makes me a more interesting person. I can be girly and still enjoy curling up to watch Day[9]'s Funday Monday or Doctor Who now and then. I can enjoy shopping malls and city lights and still listen to Clint Black or Garth Brooks. I don't have to be one or the other. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that there are parts of me that are the polar opposite of other parts of me, and that's just one more part that I need to learn to accept. I can like whatever I like, and that's what allows me to "be myself" - it's not about falling into one nice little box. It's about all the different boxes that a person falls into.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that people are messy. When it comes to enjoying things, there isn't always "one or the other," there isn't always a simple answer. There isn't a dictionary definition for every person out there, there isn't an antonym for every personality. Besides, who's to say that the messy things aren't the most rewarding?
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