On Being Awkward

I know this may come as a shock to you, but believe it or not, I, a girl who spends the majority of her time snuggling kittens, writing things for the internet, and watching Geek and Sundry and Day[9], am actually a pretty awkward person in real life. I have a tendency to laugh, like, a lot, when I get nervous and think something is just a little bit funny. I play out conversations in my head before starting them to make sure they won't take an awkward turn or end in awkward silence. Yeah, I wish that was a lie.

I've noticed that being awkward has become a bit of a trend. I have, in the past, been called the "cute, awkward type." But believe me, there is nothing about being awkward that makes me feel cute. I don't know where to look when I mumble "thank you" after someone compliments me. I've been known to blush at the mention of a name. There have been times when I have felt so awkward that I actually prayed I would melt through the floor and into another dimension where I would not have to be a part of that situation anymore. Sometimes, someone will say something, and I will get so embarrassed that my entire face turns red and my eyes start watering. Which leads to them asking why I am crying and my getting, you guessed it, even more embarrassed and awkward.

But despite being as awkward and anxious as I am, I still manage to lead a pretty happy life. I've got friends that help me through it by being with me in social situations so that I don't feel vulnerable and alone (I'm not sure if that's the social anxiety, the awkwardness, or the introverted part of me talking). I have technology to help me connect to people on a less personal level - I know, a lot of people think that that is a horrible thing, but honestly, it helps me to establish relationships - including social media, and texting, and sometimes phone calls, although I'm really bad at those unless I write down exactly what I need to say.

Of course, I have my writing as an outlet, as well. Even when I'm not talking about exactly what it is that bothers me, writing still calms me down. That's a big part of why I'm so passionate about writing, and why I do travel articles, and why I write this blog. Writing gives me a chance to be somebody else for a while. Somebody who is cool and collected and really knows what they're talking about - and is actually capable of talking about it. I guess that's why it's not really a big deal to me if it's one or ten or a million people who read this blog.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to apologize to the one or ten or a million people who actually do read this blog, for being not one but TWO DAYS LATE. I'm sorry! I plan to have my act together by tomorrow, so I should have a regular post up - provided I don't forget what day of the week it is again!